9:12 PM Friday, October 19, 2007 back to top?

• Dear Diary,

Today i woke up around 10.30am. But then i went back to sleep. Woke up again and then went back to sleep again. And i woke up around 3.30pm. HAHA.

There's no school today, cause "Promotion Day". Woohoo.
The last post, which i wrote. The one that i say that im soo scared for my English.
Yea.. In the end for overall, i pass! Haha. A 'C'. Shucks. Its okiee, got promoted can already. I always got a C everytime. -_-"
O level more important. Err.. I find myself thinking of the future long term. (: Hees.

At last, i manage to finish my new blogskin.
This blogskin is way better than my first skin. Hees.
Ohh, this blogskin too seem so BIRGHT! haha. Too bright ? Umm.. Okiee okiee la. Haha.
Gonna put jukebox later on... But not now. When i have the mood and the time. HAHA.
Err, I find this blog.. Have A LOT of words. -.-"
Heh hehh.

16 MORE DAYS to 31 October 07. *feeling nervous.*

Things to be done before 31 October 07;;
1) Read more Malay books.
-Deeply understand what im reading.
3) Write down bahasa BERBUNGA.
4) Look up in dictionary for words which i dont know the meaning.
5) Practice Malay Assessment paper.
-Do again Malay Exam papers.
6) Stop procrastinating and do the things which are listed here!

Malay O LEVEL, BABE!

Hees. Can do it ? Hehh hehh.
I hope so. Insyaallah. (:

My Result Slip, SUCKS alot. )):
-But i still havent yet get it. How i know? Cause i checked it yesterday.
Heckk.. Not even One 'A'.
`Dont want to talk about it.

Ive been missing my sembahyang, kerana kelalaian -.-
Hehh. Tuhan marah, agaknya. Ampunkan hambamu.

By the way, my friends(from my school) got ajak me pergi keluar jalan Hari Raya today.
Hehhs. But then i lazy to go. So i bedek-bedek, kata i tak leh pergi because later gonna go to nenek's house. Heh heh.
I malas sambil terlalu shiok hendak tidur. :DD

Anyway, ive just finished reading this Malay book, which i borrowed from the library.
Very Fun and Nice!

Seindah Rindu- Ida Nardiel.
This is the sypnosis, which is written at the back of the book:
"Alangkah indahnya rindu ini kasihku... Seolah aku berada di hari-hari semalamku. Namun kau seakan bayang-bayang, yang datang dan pergi tanpa dapat kuduga waktunya. Aku masih merindui momen-momen kenangan semalam.. Masih belum puas ku reguk dan ku nikmati. Kasih.. terlalu kuat rindu ini. Seakan tidak bisa untuk ku hakis. Kau ada di dalam setiap helaan nafasku. Aku masih tercari-cari suaramu. Aku teraba-raba dalam pencarian ini sehinggakan dia turut kusangka dirimu. Kasih.. memang hebat rindu ini namun bebaskanlah aku kasih.. Agar aku bisa hidup tanpa bayang-bayang kenangan silam".

Sungguh indah kan ? Hees.
There's lots of bahasa berbunga written. Hees. And i loves happy ending. Wees..

Another book which i also have finished reading and i like was..
Ku Seru kasihmu- Izzul Izzati.

Hees. These two books..
Whats the most common theme? Love. HAHA. -.-

I find that most Malay books the themes is about Love, Life and having Faith in God.
Hees. Yea.

Usually, the most books which i borrowed have a love theme. Hehe.
Yupp. And my adik will tell my mum that i read Love story books,
and he'll say "Asyura gatal ehh..?".
My mum will be like "Asal baca buku cerita cinta?", which she dont really care that much lah -.-
Hehh.

Sheesshh.. Nak baca pun tak boleh ke? Sebab Asyura suka tu pasal Asyura baca.
Fun lah membaca gelagat watak -.-

Kalau kisah cinta, ku suka tentang kisah remaja seperti buku Seindah Rindu.
Asyura pun suka buku yang menyentuh emosi.
Membuatkan si pembaca menangis, berasa geram, gembira, sedih dan sebagainya. ((:

By the way, in books which ive read, the airport is always the place where people will admit their love to each other. Like in the book, the guy was leaving to France, then the girl kejar the guy to the airport to find him. Then when she could not find him as probably maybe the guy have gone up the plane already, tears rolled down her cheeks. And she cried. Wondering if she will ever see him again. Suddenly a hand touches her shoulder. She looked up to see who it is. And... *figure it out what happen* Hehe (: Hees.

~`Tidakkah cinta memberikan kekuatan dan inspirasi kepada kita untuk merentasi kehidupan ini yang penuh dengan pancaroba?
-Thanks to reading books. :D

9:50 PM Wednesday, October 17, 2007 back to top?

• Dear Diary,

Umm.. Had gotten back most of my End of Year exam paper.
Except for Social Studies.

Combined Science, i got about 60-68% Somewhere around there.
Hmm... okiee la. I guess.

In total of all the subjects, i failed Three.
Failed E. Math for EOY paper. But overall plus mid year and all i got 66%. Which to me was a waste! As atcually i could have gotten A2. But due to my EOY exam results, it pulled me down. Haizz..
Failed Core Geography for EOY paper. Studied but in the end i failed. I was confident that i could pass my Geog but in the end see lah the result!
And sadly,
Failed my English for EOY paper. Wait! If im not wrong i think i got for Eng paper 1 i got 31/60. Which is just borderline pass. o_o But then paper 2 i got 15/50. Terukkk!

Now im scared. Scared for my English. What if, i couldnt make it? Aww nooo.. *sobs*
Please please please.. Let me overall PASS my ENGLISH! Oh God.

Anyway, today returned Malay paper.
I got back my Malay paper and my PRELIM PAPER .

For Malay paper, Cikgu Nor tak mark karangan. Cause I take HMT so scheme untuk mark karangan lain daripada yang tak ambil HMT.
Anyway, paper 2 i got 40/70. Haizz.. Shit. That is like 57% a C5. Pfft.
Paper 3, listening comprehension got 90%. Woots.
Still to me, paper 2 is the most important thing i must score! *sigh*.

Then Malay Prelim paper which i got back after school.
Umm...
Paper 1, i got 40/70.
Paper 2, i got 51.5/90
Total in 1oo%, I got 57% a C5. Arghhhh.

I didnt even get a B. God damn it. Sedih la..)):

When walking home, i was feeling kinda scared.
My mind was thinking about MALAY MALAY MALAY! Yup yup.
I was thinking, how how how? These two Malay paper are supposed to be as a gage for me. Whether i can do it or not. To achieve and A for O level.
But look! Still i got a C. Oh my God!

I DON'T WANT to DROP HMT!
Aww.. I dont want all my efforts gone to waste.

Was wondering, why my Malay Drop.
Why is it so. Is it my bahasa?? I guess it is.
My penguasaan dalam Bahasa Melayu is weak.
Aww...

Haizz..

Aku cemburu dengan seseorang itu.
Cemburu. Iri hati. Tidak puas hati.
Maafkan aku.
-kerana seseorang ini dapat markah yang tinggi dari aku.
Iya. Memang bodoh untuk berasa cemburu. Tetapi... Diary tahukan perwatakanku?
Dalam hatiku berkata, Cisshh bedebah.. Dia dapat tinggi dari aku ah. Apa sey. Macam tak percaya aku apabila dia dapat markah macam gitu. Bacenn arh! Aku sepatutnya dapat, bukan dia!!. Urgghh aku kalah dengan dia ni. *roll eyes*
Walaupun hatiku geram terhadap dirinya, namun aku berfikiran rasional.
Aku tahu bahawa aku tidak patut berfikiran dan mungkin... merendahkannya begitu.
Memang nasib dialah, jangan dipersalahkannya. Relakannya sahaja. Juga, kalau aku berasa cemburu terhadapnya.. Dia juga pernah berasa cemburu terhadapku. Jadi apa dayanya?
Aku akur bahawa perasaanku ini berasa sangatlah sedih dan hampa. Tapi apa boleh buat?
Aku hanya dapat bertumpang gembira terhadapnya. Aku pasrah kepada Illahi.. Katakan Kawankan?. Hees.

Semoga aku dapat A1, ya.

By the way, at my E. Math paper 1..
There was a writing from My E.Math teacher.
Very nice of him.
Thank you so much. :)

"Please do not let this setback get to you. You are a hardworking student with great potential. I am sure that you will do well at the end! All the best for next year!"
-Mr Choong, E. Math teacher.

Hees. Thanks for the encouragement. :))
I love the part "You are a hardworking student with great potential." HAHAHA.
Gossshh.. *blush*.

Yea.. I'll try to be positive. Cheer up
I Must not give up. I can achieve it, if i put all my hardwork and effort in the things which i want. :) -err. this sounds so cliche. -.-
Yup yup.

I shall try and do well for my Malay O Level.
*encouraging smile*

-do you think during my O Level, keazamanku untuk mendapat 'A' akan tetap membara?
Hmm.. I hope so. :)

~`Shine your light through

10:04 PM Tuesday, October 16, 2007 back to top?

• Dear Diary,

I got back my History, E. Math, Chemistry, A. Math and Core Geography MARKS.
Haizz... Dissapointed. Why?

I Failed E.Math and Core Geography. )):
-E.Math 49%
-Core Geography 42%

But;
-History 58%
-Chemistry 54%
-A. Math 61%

GOD DAMN IT!.
For me, somehow i felt that... If i do not fail, to me it is pretty okiee.
But for this, the marks which i pass the one which i had got is about 50+%. USELESS! =.=
I dont really have any much comment for A.Math. But I could have done better. Which Mr Arul expects me to have at least 70%, an A. Haizz. I didnt tell him about my marks.

I find that E. MATH & CORE GEOGRAPHY is a total LET DOWN. Seriously!.
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Im soo pissed.

I thought that i could at least JUST Pass my E.Math.
Which i have gotten my E.Math paper 2-i got 32/80-that was before doing E.Math paper 1 exam. Anyway, since that day, Mr Choong have told us our E.Math paper 2 marks.. I was really sad about it. Still i didnt lose hope. I told myself that i could do well in E.Math paper 1 and eventually would help me pull my marks higher getting at least a pass.
So i prayed to God to give me markah yang cemerlang, at least a decent pass mark.
And in the end, what did i get? A FAIL. *roll eyes*.

Also im pissed that my lil brother, Hakim got an A2 for his E.Math! woww. -.-
Okiee fine. He is Sec 1NA. Get my drift ? -hehh.
What have happen to me? Grr...

By the way, my mum did ask me about my marks just now, on what i get for my Math, since she was impressed by Hakim's result.
And i kinda lied that i dont know about my E.Math mark. Hees.

Then for Core Geography. I expect at least a PASSING marks. -.-
But, I failed. Grr..
I guess it was my last Assesment question that didnt pull me up.
Anyway, i THOUGHT i could pass. And i have confidence in it.
Due to the fact that i studied and with the help of someone, Syazwin, kinda giving me an encouragement.
And in the end ohh heck. *roll eyes*.
I asked Ms Shawa, whats my weakness. She said that it is my language which i wrote in a normal way not in terms of geographical terms. Hmmph. And that the class lacks applying of the things we learnt into the questions ask. Yea.. Okiee.

Haizz.. these two subject i was expecting to pass it.

Now, im scared for my English results.
Ohh how i wish i could pass it. As in overall plus the mid year exam the common test and test which totals up 100% at least i could have pass my English!!
Cause im scared.. I wont be able to make it. *hu hu*
Ohh pleaseeee..

Diary, during my exam periods, i was praying hard and berdoa to Tuhan.
That i will be able to pass my subjects. But now im kinda having doubts about the things i prayed for. :/

No. No. No. I must not be doubting myself, to God i mean.
All i could do is just having faith in God.
' QADA' DAN QADAR ', have faith Asyura.
*encouraging smile.* hees.

Yea.. i'll try. To be positive too. Awww...
----
By the way, during the last day of Ramadhan, 12/10/07..
i dah KHATAM AL-QURAN !
~Weess...

But too bad, i didnt find that Dzikir and Doa book for me to baca apabila Khatam Quran. The ayat apabila hendak berkhatam Quran, i mean.
I thought my parents took the book with them to Haji-They went to Saudi Arabia.
I messaged them where's the book and after a few hours later they messaged me. Which was already too late since i dah Khatam.

Why i wanna read that ayat, because..
That Ayat got this wish for which i wanna wish, hope and pray for the things which i want to come true to happen. Hahaha. Anyway, pahala jugak dapat baca ayat itu.
-This may sound confusing about 'the ayat' part. Hehh. =.=

Yea.. Its okiee la. Never mind about it.
----
Ohh, My parents have already come back home from Arab! Hahaha.
Just yesterday 15 Octber. Which we students did not go to school due to in liew of Hari Raya on Saturday. Hees.

My father ceritakan yang dia dapat salam dan dapat masuk bilik Imam itu-Masjidil Haram, i mean-if im not wrong.
Not just that, he told us that the Imam's face sungguh berseri dan bercahaya. Putih bersih.
~Fuyyoo.

My mum and dad bought many things from Arab. HAHA. Carpets also have-i think there was either 4 or 5 carpets. There were different types of dates(kurma) brought home too. Hees.
And the same old thing which my mum bought for us(me and older sis) last year, which was a pyjamas -.- .
YEA.. Of course not the same design and colour.

Ohh there is this water, not Air Zam Zam-which she did brought home by the way- another water. I forgot whats the name called.
Uhh i forgot whats its name. But it is from a perigi in Arab. Which is extremely Drinkable.
Anyway, the water, my mum give us to drink/taste it...
The water tasted like the same water, its just that the water tasted like there is an added pinch of salt. Still its not too salty. Seriously, the water is from a well. Usually from a well there shouldnt be any taste-ness.

Anyway, dad told us about the magnificent of Air ZamZam. On how pure and so long it have produce the water eversince Nabi Ibrahim's/Ismail's time. And that although many people from other countries those who are doing their Haji or Umrah would always get a bottle of Air ZamZam for free. For which many people have taken and used it up, still it have not dried up.
Heees. Yea, awesome right? Lols.
----
Umm For Hari Raya, my family only celebrated during the last Friday's night 12/10/07 and the morning of Saturday-should say afternoon-13/10/07.
Well on Sunday 14/10/07, we didnt go out. Haha. We should go to our Auntie's house but it was in Jurong and we felt kinda lazy to go. HAHA.

Ohh then the next day 15/10/07, which was on a Monday and was yesterday, we fetch parents home. Along with some of our Aunties and cousins which were there too.
Also, my parents especially my mum says that she was IMPRESSED with the house.
She claims that it was very bersih and berseri nampak. HAHAHA.
-Tengoklah siapa yang buat!? Lols. *winks*
----
P.s;
In the Monday morning 15/10/07, about 00.45 to 01.30 am..
He messaged me. Weee. HAHA.
Soo sad that i have to kinda end our messages early. Hehh.
Pfft. *roll eyes*

~`Someone told me, Encik Radi..
You as student now.. Dont think about Boyfriend.
Concentrate on your studies. It is more important.
-hmm.. yea, i get it. Thanks. (:

Just to contradict that having a boyfriend and a girlfriend would resulted in marks tumbling down;...
Isnt being in a relationship is being there for one another and doing good and helping for each another?
Umm.. An explanation.
eg: If you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and then the BF and GF studies together..
It will pretty much helps one another in studies. Such as giving encouragement not to give up and having an admiration for each others determination and will of one another. So this will make each other feels that they both are not alone in getting through all obstacles getting in their way.
Agree? For me i agree with this part. (:

10:53 PM Thursday, October 4, 2007 back to top?

• Dear Diary,

Today, during Subuh(dawn)...
I felt soo disturbed. Fikiranku tidak tenteram. Emosiku tidak tentu arah. Hati berasa gelisah dan sebagainya...
I felt sad and lost. My feeling was like a turmoil.
Some things are bothering me. Hees.

Well, after sahur den i go bathe and get ready for school.
Then i went to pray Subuh.

I remembered something... Which my parents had said to me/us before.

They said, if there is anything...
anything which is bothering you or need a friend..
"Bacalah Al-Quran!".
Kerana Al-Quran adalah pengubat hati. Ia boleh mententeramkan jiwa dan hati.
Jadikanlah ia sebagai kawan. Justeru Al-Quran boleh menolong kita bila di akhirat nanti.

Alright, so after prayer.. i take my Quran and started reading it.
Out of the blue.. I broke down and I started crying.
Tears rolled down my eyes. *i SWEAR this is true!*

I guessed, part of me felt that when i read the Quran, during that time, my feelings which i kept and suppressed inside was let out.

There were a few things which kept me wondering.

I was wondering why is it when before i read the Quran i did not cry. I guess i couldnt cry. But this time around, i did.

I was wondering if it is true that the Quran make me felt that way-crying- or is it me, myself who was the one who did it. Hmm... Somehow i doubt that its me.

I felt awe to Allah at that moment. Syukur Alhamdulillah. :)

Inside of me, i felt angry and says, "Stupid Asyura. Baru sekarang engkau baca Quran! Masih dalam susah barulah baca. Bila senang tak baca ah!?"-Yea, i felt bad about not reading Quran during happy/easy time.

*The power of Al-Quran. (;

Told myself, to make it a point to baca Al-Quran from these day onwards.
Anyway, now i dah JUZ 25 or 26. Few more 'chapters' to Juz 30.
Wooohoo.. Can khatam Quran this Ramadhan. Banyak pahala akan ku dapat.
Wuahahaha :D

& i berdoa kepada Yang Maha Esa,
Berikanlah Asyura kekuatan untuk merentasi pancaroba kehidupan ini.
----

By the way, yesterday had my E.Math and history paper.
Dont wanna talk about it. Especially E.Math!
I felt that i have disappointed a few people.-Mr Arul, Mr Choong and MYSELF-in E. Math. )):

I guess yesterday event make me feel what i felt today. Heehs.

Anyway, after school me and Nadiah wanted to go to to East Coast Park/Pasir Ris/Elias Park to study. Then we took the wrong bus and that wasted our time. So in the end we went to Pasir Ris Library at White Sands shopping mall. Haha.

During our journey, we talk and talk. Umm.. we talk about SYAZWIN! Yea..
Our 'quite new' friend which we met a few months ago while doing our CIP collecting donation.
Ive forgotten what day we met.. Probably it was during March/April and if im not wrong about the place.. It was near to City Hall!-near the shopping center. Yea. We only have met ONCE, yet we three click well. ((:

Unexpectedly, talking about him, we terserempak dengan Syazwin!! HAHA :D
We met him at the White Sands lift to go to level 3.

At first, me and Nadiah were talking. Then Nadiah was looking at her left side at someone. So i followed her gaze. Yupp. And i recognized someone very familiar. Syazwin!
Then i come forward to him and says Hi to him. He recognized me. :))
Wees.

I asked him why he was at there. And he said that he is going to the library to study. Hehes.
And we three went to Pasir Ris Library together. Yea.. Just like old time. Meeting unexpectedly doing the same thing and walking together to a certain place. hehe ^^.

Thinking of Syazwin and the old time we met and do, makes me feel bubbly and happy.
Haha. *happy happy*

Yea, Anyway in the library, we studies. And we talk alot too.
But mostly, it was me and Syazwin who talk alot. Haha. Nadiah.. Dia tak tau apa yang nak cakap, justeru dia hanya berdiam dan mendengar aje.. Haha.

Syazwin was impressed and awed about the subjects which we both are taking. As in taking TWO humanities subject- Core Geog. Hees.
Since i had Core Geog on 4 oct(today), i studied Geography lah.

He said if he could, he would want to take Core Geog.
For me, hearing what he says about this, makes me feel.. somehow lucky.
And that i shouldnt waste my time, effort, and grade.
Syazwin, saying with confidence about Geography, makes me wanna strive for my Geography.
Hehe.

BY THE WAY, SYAZWIN TEACH ME !!! hahaha.
I was sooo very very impressed by him. ((:
Although he did not take Core Geography-he take Geography elective- he taught me the ones that we both knew, have in common.

Yea, we talked about the subject rivers and others.
Also me and Nadiah was like, 'WHOAAA! Geography Elective, there is very little things to study unlike ours.' Haha.
Syazwin compares our sec 3 core geog book and the one he borrowed from a friend's book.
The Geog elective book was somewhat kinda same thickness like our book which it contains sec 3 to sec 5 topic. But Ours, for sec 3 book was the same thickness as them but sec 4, if you times two of our sec 3 book and total it up, it'll be really thick. Fuyyooo..
Haha.

We exchange contact number. Ohh he realised that ive changed my hp. Haha.
I felt like i know him a lot more than before.
About 5.30pm, we three went home.
A wonderful day today. ((:

Syazwin is a very nice and dynamic person. Not like some guys i have known. Haha.
His actions displays confidence and he is very sociable. Sungguh peramah dan baik orangnya.
But sometimes, he is like soo Belo. =.=" Hees.
In general, i like him! -As a friend i mean.

Im glad that we ran in to each other.-terserempak, i mean.
Because, HE MAKE MY DAY A LOT BETTER. Yupp.
I was down at first, but i wasnt in the end. And im glad we met.
Also, THANKS for teaching me. Though its little, but i did learn alot! ((;
hehe.
----

Yea, Core Geography exam today was okiee. I could DO it. Wees.
Thanks to him too.
But too bad, i couldnt finish my last question, the assessment question -.-. Hah! But i have confidence!

Feeling better. ^^

1:00 AM Wednesday, October 3, 2007 back to top?

• Dear Diary,

There is this feeling which i felt that is bugging me.

Well.. I had a dream. Okiee, not really. Its just that when everytime i wanna sleep, i gotta think and make up a dream in order for me to sleep.-do you understand?? I think this is sort of like a made-up dream. Hees.

So this, a girl.. Feeling sad and emotional. Wanted someone to be there for me. Also wanting a sense if security from that someone, a prince.
She really wanna hug her prince very badly and to comfort her.
Eventhough she have her Mr.Prince..
She cant grasped him. No matter how hard she's trying to hold and hug him.. Her prince felt and was soo far away from her. *awww..*
Then there was someone. Someone who was there for her, just standing behind her back.
That someone who is called Mr.Knight.
With him, she felt so reachable and able to hold and hug him tight. And he would hold and hug her real tight, back too..
Its like she's the one whom she is looking for...
Sadly, this was just a fantasy. Mr.Knight and the girl.*
----

Inside Asyura's mind, talking and arguing. ;;
Asyura #1 and Asyura #2.

#1: Ahh.. Asyura. You're so bad.
How could you think of that. It isnt right!
He have someone else. And you have someone else. DONT!

#2: I KNOW. My feelings screams, that he isnt there when i needed him. Though i know its not his fault. Its just that.. Somehow, me and him felt soo far away. And that Mr. Knight wouldnt be like that.

#1: How can you say that!! He is busy. You have to understand him. Its hard you know. He have to do well in his studies-as he gotta compete with those braniacs at school and sometimes its very emotionally tiring. His parent says that he dont need and should not be in a relationship right now. Should focus on his studies more. He's trying to balance everything.
Still, he did once mentioned that during the time you and him wasnt talking, 'the silence period' which i call it.. He DID told you that HE REALLY MISSES YOU REALLY MUCH!

#2: Yes yes. I know that. I know that his really really busy. And his schedule jammed pack-like i really believe it. You say he's trying?? Hahh.. He doesnt even have time for me. Alright FINE! I'll accept that he is very very busy. But somehow.. Couldnt he just msg?? Couldnt he just msg.. Even one msg he send me is ALRIGHT!. Let me repeat that : One message is ALRIGHT for me. Still not even one. Not even THREE WORDS like; I MISS YOU. Yup. Hmmph.

#1: Okiee okiee. Maybe he's super duper busy and really stress up. And somehow its not fair of you when you say that he IS NOT there for you. Your not the only one who needed him. He probabaly NEEDED you to be there for him too. It just that, like you.. He didnt tell you, like how you didnt tell him. Hmm..

#2: Hmm.. Yea.. I've though of that before.
I am being and trying to understand him. I know its not his fault. I am being understanding and patient with him, okiee? But sometimes.. Somehow.. It hurts a lot. Its like.. I feel that im the one who is missing him while he's just getting on his life without missing me..?
Today, I messaged him "I.M.U !! =/ -Figure it out..." to him.
Still there was not even one message from him since after we had that talk about 'the silence period'. Im feeling confuse. Its like im the one who is having that feeling of "I MISS YOU" towards him. While he? His feeling towards me? I dont know about him.. Maybe he does. Maybe he dont. Maybe he forgot about me.. I dont know...
Thats why, somehow i find that Mr. Knight would be there and reachable.
IM SORIEE.

----

Useless.
Ahhh Shit! Stop creating fiction. Get back to reality. -.-
B-E-E-P.
Nites.