10:45 PM Monday, March 28, 2011 back to top?

• Im sad. i dont know if its worth to trust. Him.

So my guy bestfriend says:

hmm, you ask urself does he show you that his actions and attitude is worth you taking the trouble to ask urself in the first place..if you trust someone, that qns won't ever come to mind..

Then...
Someone says that, Trust is hard to built.

Z says:
Hmm.. U missing a point frm wat u say..
Its actually trust is nt hard to be built but its the person tht u choose to trust is hard to built..
Its because u want entrust someone it cn take a very long time...
There is a phrase 'earning trust is nt a cup of tea'

So howww?
Do i trust him?

Maybe because the way he's acting rightnow is kinda suspicious. And maybe im the only one he could ask the favor for.. So who knows.
Ahh geeez.. I doont know.

Lets hope Thursday will come. We'll see.

11:55 PM Friday, March 25, 2011 back to top?

• Everytime when i looked up at the skies, I have always been wondering...
When will my that special someone appear? A soulmate. Where are you?

At times i tries to depress this overwhelming feelings i have about finding that one special person.
So i told myself this, "If its meant to be then its meant to be. Believe in Allah. Im sure that there is someone lovely and dear to me which have been in-stored for me. Just wait. There is.. I believe so."
Because they say, What you want, may not be what you need. So believe in Allah, that he will grant you something even better than what you asked for. Out there, somewhere. Time will tell.

However my contradictions will snubbed, "How long is TIME? Where and when will that be? Because i cant wait anymore. Ive been waiting and waiting, but... Till how long?". This is what makes me sad.

& yet, i told myself to wait for God knows some time and be patient.

------

Remember Z-carebear? Well what happened...?
I dont know....

Im sad to see how things are about us right now.
It was always that happy moments in the first place, but sour in the end.

They say, Loves fade... Well.. Yeah. It probably is.
Or maybe it wasnt love in the first place? Or... (probably to make myself feel better), It was Real love at first but now not anymore. I guess so. Oh wells.

Honestly, I dont regret it. There were nice and sweet moments between us.
And eventually.. Remember the time i helped you, that 3 favors you asked? I did it willingly and sincerely.
Of course i already know when i lent you those amounts, that i may or may not be able to get it back. Its ok, if i didnt get it back. Just take those amounts as a goodwill from me to you. Just to help ease your burden of your family and life.

As Nabi s.a.w said.. "Orang yang tak mengambil berat tentang umatnya, dia bukan antara umatnya itu."

Well, i have a bit of rezeki, so I dont mind giving it to you. Alhamdulillah, jikalau ia meringankan beban Z itu, okayys (:

Apa yang telah terjadi telah pun terjadi.
Apa yang akan terjadi biarkan ia terjadi.

------

I want to make this my goal in life.
As Ustaz Hasbi was saying, "Setiap gerak langkah & kelakuan, buatlah semuanya kerana Allah". Walaupun setiap nafas, setiap kedipan mata semuanya kerana Allah-(Ini menunjukkan, sesuatu yang kita buat tanpa ketahui semuanya kerana Allah).


Selawat atas Nabi ada banyak faedahnya.
Allahhumma solli ala saiyidina Muhammad;
Wa ala ali saiyidina Muhammad
Begitu juga dengan Asmaul Husna.

Saya ingin mengamalkannya. Insyaallah amin.

12:16 AM Saturday, March 19, 2011 back to top?

• I dont know...
I kept on thinking and thinking if he's right for me, then ive made my decision but in the end, i fall apart again.

Someone says that, The period between waiting and moving on is the hardest part.
Cause youre waiting for someone who may never come back to you again. Ah.... But what if he does come back? Then there's the moving on and leaving him behind. But what if.. You've moved on already, but while you left the scene, he finally reached the place- Missed Cross-path. How?

Yesterday 17 March, after a long time of waiting and not contacting...
Somehow, after finishing work.. I felt lonely. Because i miss someone.
Someone who have always walked beside me, holding my hands -meeting me after work, while making our way towards the train station.

17 march, 1054pm:
I loved and miss those moments where you wait for me after work, as it makes me look forward to meeting you. Where we would walk together, holding hands, and just talk. Those feelings and moments I missed,
Now without you, it feels lonely. :(

At the same time, im wishing for that someone whom "I will always be there for you when you need me" person.
That someone who is spontaneously there for me when i need him. Because right now,i feel lonely. As if there was no one i could hope and turn to. It was always me, by myself being with me.

It's like that day, a few days ago...
I was struggling if i should meet him after his work, or go to Marina Barrage just to calm my struggling self.
In the end, i was toooo Afraid to face up to him. So i ran away, and went to Marina Barrage alone by myself, in the night even.
Yeaaa.. I noe its sooo ridiculous to go alone by myself in the late night... But i was tooo pompous! I couldnt wait, because my inner self have been killing me inside.
I need to calm myself.

& YES, looking up at the skies, the cloud, the cool air breeze wind sweeping me.. Really do makes me happy. I was thankful and i thanked God, that i went to Marina Barrage safely and that it calms my raging self.