•Aku berasa sungguh bodoh! Kenapa engkau (memberinya) memegang tangan kau itu!?
Aku tahu aku salah, aku berdosa. Ya Allah, maafkanlah aku. Aku takut...... :'(
Apabila dengan dia, Aku tidak henti berfikir andainya dia Taufiq. Andainya Taufiq milikku. Andainya aku berada bersama Taufiq. Maafkan aku, kerana telah berdua, dengan hati ini.
Dan ketika Taufiq menyambut panggilan hp aku, Dengan rasa penuh gundah sayang, aku mendengarkan suaranya dengan teliti dan asyik. Aku suka suaranya. Aku rindu suaranya Aku suka ilmu pengetahuannya. Aku suka dia yang ada pendirian diri. Aku suka dia yang penuh dengan kebaikan. Aku suka dia yang menyayangi dan mematuh perintah Allah SWT. AKU CINTA DIA, Ya Allah :'(
Apa yang telah aku lakukan? Kenapa kau tak menunggu? Kenapa kau tak memegang pendirianmu itu? Kenapa kau melakukan dosa?
•
Sometimes, i wonder. What if, i lose all my patience one day. Then there was someone, anyone, who i could grab within reach. Someone who's well... Not my expected ideal, or someone who lacks?
So if one day, i were to be together with him... But then yang Terbaik datang passes me by.. Apakah ia merugikan?
Its like, you follow your hawa nafsu. You didnt wait. You didnt sabar. Anyone will do. He then causes you harm. And by the time youre with him... The one meant for you, the one terbaik untukmu datang...
Like a glass window. Youre within reach, but there's a barrier separating you both. And then you starts to wonder why didnt you wait? Cause now, you cant reach that person. You can only see him.
Unlike now. Either of you passes by each other.You glance each other then your eyes looking down, shying. You feel this excitement, hope, while praying if he could be yours? (: Without knowing, both of us prays the same thing, "If he/she is meant to be mine, maka Allah memperdekatkanlah jarak kami", towards taaruf, tunang and getting married. And what if! One day, Allah memperkenalkan doa itu, wouldnt it be romantic? Fate. I love fate!
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Im sorryy Ya Allah. Im not being a good Muslimah towards you. I know i should be good, untuk mendapatkan yang terbaik. :'(
Oh perhaps i do know. Maybe. Probably. I dont know.
Its gues it been a long time since i love someone whole-heartedly.
Everytime when you asked me, “do you like me too…”
I would always answer, yes i do.
Because its true, we can like many people as we liked to.. Its just that.. among the likes we like, there will always be that special person/someone in my heart which i like or probably love most, and its not you. But im sure He will like you too. And one day, if He liked to, He would let us meet in something more than now...
Im waiting. Still waiting.
------ Im glad that day, i didnt hold your hand, when you wanted to. Thanks god. Because, i once held hands with someone.. Whom now is a stranger to me. I dont want it to be like that, with you i mean. Because if i were to hold hands with you, you'd be the last guy i would ever hold hands with! And you do know what i mean? -Marriage. Insyaallah.(:
Ya ALLAH, jika telah ENGKAU catatkan dia milikku dan tercipta buatku, maka satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku dan titipkanlah kebahagiaan antara kami agar kemesraan itu abadi. Dan ya ALLAH, ya TUHAN-ku yang Maha Mengasihi, seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini, perkukuhkan yang sejahtera dan abadi.
Tetapi ya ALLAH, seandainya telah ENGKAU takdirkan dia bukan milikku, bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku, luputkanlah dia dari ingatanku, dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan olehnya. Serta ya ALLAH ya TUHAN-ku yang Maha Mengerti, berikan aku kekuatan, melontar bayangannya jauh ke dada langit, hilang bersama senja nan merah, agar aku bahagia, walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya.
Dan ya ALLAH yang tercinta, gantikanlah yang hilang, tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah, walaupun tidak sama dengan dirinya. Ya ALLAH ya TUHAN-ku, pasrahkan aku dengan takdir-MU. Sesungguhnya apa yang engkau takdirkan, adalah yang terbaik buatku, kerana ENGKAU Maha Mengetahui, segala yang terbaik buat hamba-MU ini.Aku redha Ya ALLAH.
Ya ALLAH, cukuplah ENGKAU sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaku di dunia dan akhirat. Dengarlah rintihan dari hamba-MU yang daif ini. Jangan ENGKAU biarkan aku sendirian di dunia ini mahupun di akhirat nanti. Usah ENGKAU juruskan aku ke arah kemaksiatan dan kemungkaran.
Maka kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yang beriman, supaya aku dan dia sama-sama dapat membina kesejahteraan hidup, ke jalan yang ENGKAU redhai, dan kurniakanlah padaku keturunan yang soleh juga solehah.
And ive always pray wanting this.
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Janganlah kau membiarkan kemanisan bercinta dihirup sebelum engkau berkahwin dengan ‘si dia’.
Bercintalah kau dengannya sekadar sahaja.Kelak mungkin ‘si dia’ bukan jodoh untukmu.
Jika kau ingin berbahagia seumur hidup,tahanlah dirimu untuk berbahagia sebelum engkau berhak menjadi milik ‘si dia’.
Jika engkau menyintainya,binalah asas perkahwinan dengan tidak melanggar syariat-Nya.
Kebahagiaan yang kau lihat sebelum berkahwin hanya palsu,yang hakikatnya adalah selepas kau diijabkabulkan.
Jikalau engkau inginkan pasangan hidupmu yang terbaik dalam untukmu,maka engkaulah yang patut menjadi yang terbaik dahulu.
Membina keserasian sebelum berkahwin bukanlah dengan cara berdating,cukuplah sekadar engkau tahu apa yang perlu kau tahu.
Bercintalah untuk mencapai cinta-Nya.
Jika engkau masih belum bercinta,tahanlah dirimu untuk bercinta sehingga yakin cinta tersebut membawamu ke gerbang perkahwinan.
Jangan biarkan nafsumu dengan cinta yang tidak diterima di sisi Allah,kelak Allah akan tarik kebahagiaan darimu.
The reason why i dont fall so hard. Because what we have now is not ours. It can be taken anytime He wants it to be. (:
• So baby, i can drive! weees~~ Alhamdulillah, I PASSED Haha. Was kinda shock when i found out i got 4 points. Hehe. Tak sangka
14/10/2011 - 11:00am Mistake made during test:
Change lane abruptly - 4 points.
-ONLY.
I shall missed my Instructors. Sobs sobs You will always be in my doa'. Thank you for teaching me. & I thank God for meeting you. (:
------
I guess i shall talk more about the feeling of taking the TP test. So went to CDC, sat down at the warm up room, then few minutes later, we're asigned to our instructors. My instructors was saying my name wrongly, "A-sui-ra" till the malay instructor pronounced my name correctly. Haha. -people always call my name wrongly. Blergh its ok.
The instructor is not bad, pretty cool, he didnt actually teach me, since its obvious students taking TP can already drive. So i drove "my car"-no. 252 and i didnt hit anything! Wees~ haha. Just the parallel parking, i forgot to reverse then i realised i was wrong so i put on to gear 'drive' and do it again. Which is okay and is not wrong, as long as i dont hit the curb. Then the others like vertical parking and directional change were pretty much can do. hehe.
It was quite a short amount of time driving, the time was fast, around 20-25mins. Which was pretty good, as it kinda tells us this is how TP is like when doing the test. ^^ Hmm not bad.
After finish the warm up driving, waited till 11am for my TP Test to start.I waited and waited till im like the 3rd last person to go off. It was kinda nerve-wracking! My heart, was berdebar-debar! Waiting... haha. But at the same time, i drank the air 'Yasin' my mum bacakan the day before for me! hehe. -I guess it works! Alhamdullilah dengan izin Allah! hehehe.
Finally the police instructor came and called me out from the room. Walked him towards "my car" -Number 252. Hehe. On the air-con full blast. Check mirrors and seat-belt and signal out. Hoho :D STARTING already! Awesome right!? hehehe ^^
Obviously, blind spot checked. And my first obstacle to do was the Parallel parking! haha. -As you know what happen in warm-up, and usually sometimes i forgot to move my mirror up! LOLS. So one great obstacle finished! :D
And when reversing i mostly look behind at all time with glance of the reference point. hehe. :D
Honestly, im soo proud and happy that my Vertical parking, Directional change & Parallel parking is soo "Swee Swee", as in nicely park! hahaha :D Then the S-course and Crank course, this one just hati-hati jaga and turn using the reference point! hahs! ;D
(Err i forgot if i did emergency brake or not), maybe lah should have done? haha! Then off we go out of circuit, baby!
My route was the Airport Road. -Well there are many airport roads but i forgot which one but i know where! Hmm.. then just drive carefully and calmly, obeying the traffic rules lah. Like the turn 'Right' side if flicking cannot move. Then check mirror when stopping the car. Then dont go too near to the car infront.
Honestly the 4 demerit point-Change lane abruptly, it made me wonder.. Where? Haha. Maybe its when... When i U-turn, then go to second lane, then we must always keep to extreme left ... So i signal left.. as i signal left i check blindspot, moves my car a bit to the left then saw this van at my blind side area.. (Maybe that was kinda dangerous uh?) Since i saw my instructor looking at my left mirror. Then he says, "Turn right at junction". So now i know, i dont need to keep left, canjust turn right, right now.. So i signal 'Right' check blindspot, see no car then off (i speed straight) towards the right lane. Hmmm... Maybe the abrupt lane change was this one? Hmm either one lah. Haha!
But all is well. Outside driving finished. HEHE. Wees. Park the car near the shelter, then follow the Police instructor to 2nd level.
I was just waiting, anticipating if i passed. Well, i didnt sweat lah.. cause i know i didnt do any major mistakes uh! So yeahh.. was surprised to find ONE mistake but 4 demerit points. hehe. Alhamdulillah (:
Called Nadiah, about what i get! Then she was surprised and kinda disbelieve about the points i get! HAHA. yeah!.
But well, my instructor Hazrin Yusoff, the ex-OT Staff Nurse,which i get along well with him and mostly he's been my instructor for alot of time.. was saying.. that he wants me to get at least'6 points'!. But usually, everytime his assesment! I always hit curb kepe! Hahas! Lols. Tak sangka from 6 to 4 points, ye! Confirm dia akan surprise kalau dia tahu! haha.
Hmm... If only he knew how much i get. Huhu ;'( Anyway, i doa him all the best and terima kasih for ajarkan me. Semoga Allah balas jasa baik dan kesabaran dia. Amin. (:
Dear ya Allah, Kalau saya buat baik nari, Will you let me pass my TP besok? Insyaallah.
Hehe. Boleh eh gitu? hehe. But, if its fate its fate okayy. I'll try my very best for tomorrow. No more carelessness. InsyaAllah.
------ HIDUP ini akan terasa INDAH Jika segalanya karena ALLAH Dalam CINTA teruji keSETIAan Dalam AMAL teruji keIKHLASan Dalam SAKIT dan MUSIBAH teruji keSABARan Dalam UKHUWAH ada keKUATan dan jalan keluar untuk menghadapi masa-masa sulit dalam hidup Sehingga keHIDUPan bertambah NIKMAT dan terasa INDAH setelah melalui masa-masa SULIT.
"Sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan ada kemudahan" [S. Al-Insyirah : 6]
I closed my eyes, i imagined you sitting here next to me. Where your arms embrace me in your tight hug. Where i feel soo warm and comfortable, with you dear love.
With you here, you make everything seems so beautiful. & I wish you were here :(
Sadly, as i open my eyes, i realised youre not there and im still here... waiting, alone.
I wish you were real. I wish you were here. I wish you're everything i ever wanted.
Or am i being blinded with all these hearts stuffs? Maybe i am.
I want time to hurryy up and pass by! I want to grow up and see who my soul mate is~ Will what is now in the present will be in the future? Hehehe. These thoughts somehow its so exciting, yet wonders what'll happen if things change in the future. Goshh.
Its like you're here wondering about the future. And maybe the future you is thinking back about the past. What did happen? What had happen? Has anything changed? Hehe.
But its ok, embrace the present. Pray. Faith (: Wees~~
Good nite.
------ Starting attachment tmr/today. Semoga hari ini lebih baik dari semalam. TP also is coming sooon! This friday! hoho. :3
•Jikalau dia takdir untuk menjadi milikku, Alangkah gembira dan berbunganya perasaan ini.
Kadangkala, aku berharap bahawa dia adalah untukku. Namun entah samada fikiran atau hati ini yg mengatakan "Tidak".
Sometimes I find myself, wondering, kalau dia untuk ku? Wouldn't that be the best thing that would have ever happen?
Of how, you're made for me and I am made for you. Where we share everything, living together, holding hands, hugging... and well kissing. Hahs! Oh and passionate s** and having childrens. Building a house together.
I think i'd be wonderful! (: Although somehow... I guess, you're not capable of doing anything of these now -till we get married. Awwws...
And yes! What is rightfully meant to be our, will be ours.. just waiting for time to come.
I believe that what we have now, as in perasaan cinta ini isn't ours, as in bukan milik kita. (Till we're married legally). And I believe that... Perasaan yang ada ini semuanya kepunyazn Allah, dan entah... Mungkin Dia boleh menarik perasaan ini pada seketika waktu anytime He wants. So yeahh.. That's why, they say feelings change as time goes by.
Hmmm.. I guess I missed having someone to loved and missed. Bagaikan ingin merangkul dirinya erat dan kuat. ;'(
Sehingga kini, ku akan tetap menunggu. Entah sampai kapankah harus ku menunggu...
A song playing in my head these days (: For 2 days, consecutively, when im out with him these songs sings out loud. Hees!
I can be tough I can be strong But with you, It's not like that at all
You're always there, you're everywhere But right now I wish you were here
Damn, Damn, Damn, What I'd do to have you Here, Here, Here I wish you were here
I love the way you are It's who I am don't have to try hard We always say, Say like it is And the truth is that I really miss
Aku takut, kalau aku akan jatuh lagi. Sudah takmau jatuh lagi...
Mungkin sebab dia seorang yang pernah menjadi cinta pertamaku. Memang sukar utk melupakan dia. Ketika dia memberitahu ku bahawa 'you're the first girl and like and till now is..', membuatkan ku aww.. sungguh gembira. Tidak salahkan kalau aku 'aww..' pada sentence tu? Kerana aku pun sama. Masih suka pada dia. Namun tidak sebagai bf/gf tetapi.. entah more than that.
Apakah ini yang mereka maksud, mencinta seseorang kerana Allah? Jika benar Alhamdulillah. Because he's the most wonderful person I've met and I still want him to be around in my life.
Namun aku akur bahawa aku tidak seharusnya jatuh cinta kerana perasaan ini bukan milikku dan hati ini berbelah bagi entah kepada siapa. Aku tak pasti, jikalau aku memberi jawapan yang benar atau ia hanya alasan?
•
I want to be pretty. I want to be flawless without make-up on.
I hate this ugly side of me. :(
Feeling beautiful without make-up on. I want to impress my future husband. My face, my body, my personality. I want to be attractive. But at the same time, i hope this heart of mine is sincere in doing these things. Insyaallah. (:
Goshh i wish there was a miracle that my body is soo ubber gorgeous and beautiful HAHS!
Dia pernah seseorang yang sangat ku cinta. Namun kini aku tahu bahawa semuanya telah berubah, dan mungkin tidak akan kembali seperti dahulu.
Namun aku syukur atas kehadirannya. Perasaan yang ada ini mungkin berbeda dari dahulu, tetapi mungkin juga terdapat secebis perasaan yang masih tidak dapat ku hilangkan.
Mungkin perasaan yang ada ini adalah perasaan kasih dan sayang antara satu sama lain sebagai seorang insan. Mungkin ia begitu.
Namun walau apapun, aku tidak pernah menyesal tentang masa lalu dan sekarang. Kerana engkau seseorang yang sangat aku kasih. Sangat aku sayang.
Apakah ia sama seperti dahulu? Mungkin benar, mungkin tidaK.
Hanya Allah yang tahu. Kerana sesungguhnya, jikalau takdir mengizinkan, kita pasti akan bertemu dengan ikatan selebih daripada hanya kawan. Malah, mungkin... aku adalah tulang rusuk milikmu yang hilang untuk kau cari dan memiliki.
“Aku pernah tanya kenapa aku jumpa lelaki yang salah. Sekarang aku rasa aku tahu kenapa. Aku belum cukup baik.Dan aku kena betulkan diri aku untuk mendapat yang terbaik. Rasa cinta itu memang anugerah daripada Allah. Tapi kita manusia ni lebih menghargai rasa cinta itu daripada Si Pemberi.
Trololololololo. If you're beautiful, then i'm gorgeous! Hi darl. (:
I loves the rain, seeing the raindrops from my window.
Staring up at the big blue sky, laying down.
9:17 AM
Monday, October 31, 2011 back to top?
Trololololololo. If you're beautiful, then i'm gorgeous! Hi darl. (:
