2:48 AM Friday, September 23, 2011 back to top?

• I think its gonna be a goodbye, to my best of guy friend, Awesome.

Maybe i know why, the reason of us drifting. Maybe its me, maybe its you. Maybe the sparks faded. Maybe it was just a temporary moment of happiness.

Another goodbye. People come people go. This is so sad ):
But i guess... What makes it so sad, was...
Letting someone whom you probably like or even love go. Cause you know that what it is right now is not yours. It wasnt yours/mine in the first place. They belong to someone else.

I guess somehow, this fading is a no surprise there.
Cause from the start, you always come and go as you please.
You come when she not there, yet youre away when she's there.
And maybe.. Our recent conversation, our lack of communication, maybe youre busy entertaining her, or perhaps im too boring for you to communicate with.
I guess i was pissed off by that, though i know i shouldnt be. Because you have every right to do what you want, because youre not mine, and i know that. Maybe one of the reason is because, i was getting bored with how things goes thats why the lack of text, maybe i wasnt being a random inspiring person these days, maybe its because i was thinking "Since youre msging and entertaining her, do whatever you want, i dont really care, i dont see the point in texting you while you already have someone to entertain you."
I sound as if of pure jealousy. Maybe, maybe not.

Truthfully, part of me will always back off, 'mengundurkan diri' when i realised that there is someone else who's seeking for you and you reciprocating her.
Perhaps it may be because im finding for someone who'll stay with me, for a very long time. I dont want someone, who'd go off as and when they like.
I want someone who will stay and be true.

Oh well oh well, i cant describe how i feel.
But even if it is so, you leavinv, well yes i will accept.
Because i already know that you are not mine. Thats why they say its called fate.
Gosh i cant believe that there is actually 2 person (or even more) falling for you at the same time. How lucky can you be!?

Hmm nonono. Even if between the 2, whereby one of them is me, i'd rather back off.. be the one who leaves.
Because.. Hmm i dont know why... But maybe its enough if there is someone who loves you. Yes.
This love i have right now, is for the one who needs my loves. ^^
Someone who would make me feel important in his life.

Yes baby.

4:39 AM Sunday, September 18, 2011 back to top?

• Click here: 1)Al-Falah: Uhibbuka fillah 2)Memberitahukan Perasaan Cinta Kepada Saudaranya

Kalau seseorang itu mengatakan:

Uhibbuka Fillah
-Aku mencintaimu (ya akhi) kerana Allah.

Uhibbuki Fillah
-Aku mencintaimu (ya ukhti) kerana Allah.

Lalu dituntunkan kepada orang yang dicintai saudaranya di jalan Allah untuk membalas dengan ucapan :

أَحَبَّكَ الَّذِيْ أَحْبَبْتَنِي لَهُ.
ahabbakalladzii ahbabtani lahu
"Semoga Allah mencintai kamu yang cinta kepadaku karenaNya.
(" HR Abu Dawud 4/333 dan dihasankan al Albani dalam shahih Abu Dawud)

1:07 AM back to top?

• Dear Heart. I forgot. I was blind.

When youre heart is comtemplating half-half...
Which side should you choose?

-if its for the sake of Allah then you'll know the right answer.

Alhamdullilah. (:

About my previous post, about going out jalan raya.
Thank god tak jadi. I guess ada hikmah sebaliknya ye? (:

Dear Allah, i understand my rash decision.
I understand that at that point in time, my iman diuji. Maafkan saya about not adhering to your command.
Thank you for not making it happen and saving me. Alhamdulillah.

5:29 PM Saturday, September 17, 2011 back to top?

• Dear Allah, I hope going out with him is the right thing to do.
Im sorry if my heart split both sides.

But its alright if we go out jalan raya to his friend's open house right?
There are many people there. Though i'd probably dont even noe anyone there.
And im not sure why he asked me go out, tagging me along there.
Besides, maybe the fren house is someone he tak kenal sangat.. so probably thats why he invite me.
But lets think of it a positive way. He is just a friend. We're both friends. Doesnt mean anything more than that.
Im there, to temankan him. (But why should i temankan dia. A female. There are males too right?) And besides, i have nothing to do at home. And probably i just want to dress up and go out. (I wonder if i ikhlas?).

Haha is that ok? For an excuse -.-

Ok. got to go. Im late!

4:24 AM Wednesday, September 14, 2011 back to top?

• Here i am blogging, being woken up from sleep. Heehs.

Today, as in yesterday 13 Sept, it was a wonderful day out. Haha. Airport & Island Creamery.
I went to Airport, to send Zunairah as she'll be having attachment overseas for 5 month.
May she have a wondeful time there and may Allah protect and guide her. Amin (:
It feels nostalgic going to airport. Remembering about O level times which i used to go there always. Haha. ^^

After that i went home, and guide my niece with her homework.
Then off to meet Adri at Clementi mrt, and towards Island Creamery. An ice cream shop. Haha.
Obviously, i was late lah. Cause i ajar my niece , then siap2 untuk keluar, then my niece pula merengek suruh bawak dia beli candy. Hmm so by the time i go out of house dah kul 5pm, which im supposed to reach Clementi kul 530pm.
So i texted Adri, meet kul 6pm. Which he was already on the way there. Gosshh i made him wait :( Sorry Adri, my fault.

In the end i finally reached Clementi at 550pm. Hehs.
Met him at the bus stop. Took 154 to King Albert Park, Island Creamery shop. Hmm.. Finally! After for so many months i wanted to try the place. Haha.

Ok lah the ice cream. Like pretty cool sia the ice cream flavours.
1 Scoop $2.50. We bought 3 scoop $6.50 shared. So yeahh.
Flavour was : Teh tarik, Dark choc w orea & Milo w marshmellow. HAHA.
Hmm the place there is nice ^^ I really like the design of the place. Hehe.
Inside there, tak banyak orang sey...

Its interesting how things are. As in as time passes by, it seems that we're still the same. Acting and being together. (:
Its like nothing have change between us. I guess maybe thats the thing about us. Hees.

After eating the ice cream, we headed out to Clementi mall. Since we're both hungry for dinner.
Went to buy food at the foodcourt. Eating while talking haha. As always.
I wanna go Tioman, i told him. Thanks to him, i kinda pretty roughly know how to travel. Hahaha.

Walked around the mall, went to Popular, Comic connection and this particular hand-made craft shop.
I think the hand made craft shop is pretty cool. There's alot of design to choose about. Soo pretty! Im sure Annisaa would love it there too. Haha.
But the thing about hand craft is that, its usually worth it if its for present, cards or decorating the house.
Insyaallah, satu hari I ada rumah, mungkinlah i buat begini! hehehe :3

On a paper i wrote, "I still like..."- then being cut off from finishing, Adri came.. So i stop abruptly. HAHAHA.
I would have finished it, with 'You'(:
Its true. Its not that i wanna us to be together, its just that to me, he's one of the most wonderful and precious person in my life ^^ Yes yes.
I thank Allah, for meeting him.

Hmm then lastly we when to this 'Tutti Fruity' Yoghurt shop. Yeahh yummy, i love yoghurts!:DD
We choose, pomegranate, natural and lychee flavours.
Well Adri wants and ate mostly the Lychee! haha. And i ate mostly the other two. Haha.
Its cost around $6.50 for 175grams aroudn there uh.
Hmm ^^ Nice thing to end our trip. HAHAHA.

I didnt once let Adri pay for the shared food we bought.
Cause to me, its not nice. Heh, for him paying for me.
He's a friend now, its not as if we're a couple though.
We paid half-half, though i gave him whatever i have uh.. As in giving him change which is not that exact uh, but well.. still memadai lah.
I wanted to pay, but he always takes out his money fast! -.- Blerghh. Hmm. Hehe.

So then we headed home. I told him, that i should take Jurong east since its much lesser people there. While he heading towards Pioneer.
Then while on th train, he realised that if i want to go to the Green line, i should go down and cross over which is leceh and also banyak orang. So he suggested me to drop at Chinese Garden.

While walking out of the train, i saw Adri walking too and it made me wonder, "Hey! Why you go out also?" -.^ Cause Pioneer is just on the way ape. So no need to stop what.
Then he said, "Never mind.." cause he wanted to teman me wait for my train.
Awwww.... HE'S STILL SO SWEET! :D Hehehe.

Ya Allah, semoga persahabatan ini berpanjangan. Dan Semoga he's still one of the most important person i have in my life. Insyaallah amin. (:

Thank you for today.

1:07 AM Tuesday, September 13, 2011 back to top?

• I'm a bad person.
Bad bad person. I have flaws which I dislikes about it too. :(

I need to find there's more to life than living itself.
Well the only thing I look forward to is DRIVING these days!
But that too is a long agony of waiting. Booo :(
I love driving. Its fun, unless I messed up hit or strike curb.

Just now I had driving.
Goshh I feel so kental! Especially parking. Parallel mostly.
Like why why why the car didn't go in? Gahh.. but in the end I did it.
Maybe its because of the car too. Because its rare that I get this old car.
So I guess my basis of judgement is different depending on the length of car, the door knob, and my shoulder.
Hmmm... but I can do better.
Thank god, my instructor was being super patient. Alhamdulillah.

And then usually I can vertical parking, but this parking is at the parking site, so its kinda abit hard to get in properly into the slot because my gauge/judgement wasn't there since there no cars to see the shoulder at centre of the car. But oh well, I'm sure I can do better.
Yes. Much much better.

Alhamdulillah the next lesson I will be having the same instructor who taught me vertical parking! Can't wait! Gonna ask him to show me parallel parking since because of someone I had a scare about it. Heh heh.
Yayy, I hope I did get him to teach me. Insyaallah. ((:

My money is almost broke. Been spending on a lot of things, especially shopping. Hehh.
Oklah takpe, shopping for clothes accessory and bag is an investment! Hehe.

------

You noe I kept on thinking about love and stuffs.
I wonder.. will there be someone who'll love me? Accept me as who I am?
I'm not that pretty. I'm not exactly that pure hearted. I have flaws and sins. Hmmph hmmph.
May Allah guide me to the right path and may he shine his light on me.

Oh, you noe about me wanting to get married to the right and destined person.
So in my mind I was thinking...
'If I have someone I love, a husband I mean, I want to be a beautiful person for my husband.
I would hug and kiss him many many times. Haha. Because I love him'.
Hmm but before loving someone... I really should be closer and loving Allah more.
Haiz.. im sorry Allah. I'll try to always get closer to you and keep you in my heart.

Oh yea, there is this saying "Kalau berani cinta, harus berani menikah". Well I believe in that! (:
Insyaallah, may we find our other half. Amin ya rabbal a' lamin(:

1:59 AM Sunday, September 4, 2011 back to top?

• Oh someone take me somewhere.
To a place which is beautiful and serenity. :D
Heees.

So i had a conversation with Sun about going travelling.
I ajak him... "Nak pergi Tioman?" hehehe.
So he says he'll consider and more info about the expenses and the itineraries.
-Well i only cadang nak pergi Tioman, i just need more effort in going there! blerghh :(
Kalau macam gini, tak jadi lah! :'(

Kawan kawan.. kemana kau pergi? I miss people!

Thank god, Insyaallah coming Wednesday, im going Johor with Annisaa! YAYYYYY! :D
Tak sabar. Harap-harap, mood tak younoewhat eh. -.-

Ive been Blog shopping these days. Hehs.
Oh i love my newly bought shoes, the 12cm high heel. And that wedges shoe. (;

------

Im sorry that the past 3 posts was kinda depressing.
Well i feel that it is. Like it gnaws on your mind thinking about the sad stuffs which you cant avoid. But its true.

All we have to do is wait. Right waiting....
WAIT. How long? God knows how long :|

And its ok, i accept whatever is to come. Its alright. her
I shall probably move on, eventually. Yeah.. Eventually, losing someone.

`& no im not putting on any hopes. im not heartbroken even. YEAH.


2:46 AM Saturday, September 3, 2011 back to top?

• I think, the more i procrastinate to text even a 'Hi', the more distance the both of us will become.
-Alhough i know i dont wanna lose this best guy friend of mine, Awesome.

But isnt that better? Youre giving her much attention and time right?
I should probably back-away ;'( This is sad.

This feels the same situation as i had a few times.
Like the best guyfriend i ever had, and slowly, they fade... -Due to time, feeling, another person, and well (probably me being) back-off. Or was that envy i find?
------

Sometimes this phrase, "Semakin ku kejar, semakin kau jauh.", in love thats true.
Akulah yang semakin jauh apabila kau semakin dekat.

`& i always wonder what went wrong, who was the one who leaves in the first place?

2:36 PM Friday, September 2, 2011 back to top?

• Ive always probably am good in waiting games. I guess?

I wonder what went wrong along the way.

I think the period between waiting for that wonderful person is the most exuberant thing and yet the most dangerous thing.
You never know that you fall out of feelings, or along the way you realised that its not worth it.

Awesome said to me:
Maybe its just me. Maybe its not mutual. Maybe im not brave 2 confess it to you. Maybe i annoyed u n thats why you din reciprocate. Maybe its true dat i shud just leave.

The thing about wad he said, mades me really sad yet there's a tinge of happiness there.

I dont know how to reply or to reciprocate that feeling.

Honestly, somehow.. In my heart i wanted to say:
Dun leave. Stay. Its mutual. Confess not now. Gives time to reciprocate. Youre not annoying, interesting yes. Im not brave too. Im waiting, yes waiting...

But at the same time, he's not mine. I shouldnt be selfish.


See now? Its not right.


2:10 AM Thursday, September 1, 2011 back to top?

• The sky is blue. The clouds are white.

Dont know why... But somehow, life becoming mundane mundane right now.

Hmm maybe its because, i did not text Awesome these past 2 days. Haha.
Hence the no one to talked to, or being entertained.

Somehow, part of me knew that some day.. Awesome will eventually leaves once his 'Hib' life is already sorted. I mean she needs him, and well... I dont know about him. But i noe she needs him. So i guess thats it. In the end he came back to where his Hib is.
Yea, in the first place, there wasnt any promises, so wads there to fall upon right? -You noe you shouldnt. Yup, ive always known. Hehs (:

Its not that i dont wanna text. Just kinda.. Lazy. Or probabaly im already bored? -No asyura, thats mean!
And also, my intuition, i may or may not be right about what i said latter.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Mundane. Seriously.
I think i should start studying and revise all my nursing managements for PRCP. Yea i know.

Hmm well, these days, ive always seen lotsa pretty girls with tudungs. Seeing their pictures and their walls.
Somehow part of me feels lack and envy of those girls.
It made me realised, Im not pretty. Make up makes people pretty. Pretty tudungs/shawls makes it look gorgeous.
Well yea. Lack. Sadly.