3:26 AM Saturday, May 14, 2011 back to top?

• I know that i shouldnt be making up scenarios of you and me together on my mind.
I shouldnt I shouldnt I shouldnt.

Maybe those feeling which WAS left unsaid, may come back again...
If it does it does.
But right now, between you and me, its.. Impossible.
Well i dont wanna say its impossible.. It's actually possible(if love finds its way through) but just, not right now.

Because, youre gonna start a whole new life in August.
Things between you and me may have well changed along the way or when August starts.
You'll probably find someone, a girl who is better than me, beautiful than me, smarter than me and one who'd make you laugh and feel comfortable with.
Ps: If you do find this girl, obviously.. I'd get jealous... But i will be sincere and accepting, because thats just me. Maybe she's meant for you, not me love (:

Maybe im not right for him. Right now. My flaws & insecurity, Your feelings, my feelings.
Thats why i shouldnt be making up scenarios of you and me.

Like ive always said, If he's meant to be, then he's meant to be. (:
Something about this phrase, ive always love is that.. Its full of surprise!
All about the What-If!

What if your first boyfriend was actually meant for you and who knows you two eventually got married!
What if the guy you saw in school have always noticed and likes you, just that youve never realised it?
What if you and him loves each other, but never dared confessed each other's feelings, and what if! One day, that silent love you two have kept for so long over the years turns out into marriage between each other!?
Wouldnt that be sweeet? :D Hehehe.

------
Today, 13 May, Ive met someone who have been in my life and make an impact on me.
A lover. I wont say Ex-lover okays! (: Because i still cherish him.

Reason was, We actually plan to go Iluma to Arcade, but in the end we went Samsung Service Repair at Jurong there to find out the problem for my laptop.

I was from school, and he was somewhere near his home.
The thing which was really sweet of him was... He offered to accompany me there eventhough he's kinda sick.

Well, in the first place, i was thinking... If he's sick and cant accompany me, Its ok.
Although obviously i'd be alone and kinda feel abit sad to go there by myself since i feel there isnt anyone whom i can depend on. As well as im scared that i'd be lost. But its ok, i can manage it.

Secondly, by the time i tell him about the place, it was 330pm and the service center will close at 530. Time-constraint was the problem. (I kinda think Taxi?). Haha.

Well the most surprsing thing he said was, he'd pick me up at school and drives me there!
I was like.. Whaatt..? Woww.
I mean.. Honestly, I know he have driving license, just that.. the thought of picking me up and driving me there really does surprise me.

So well.. Awkwardly and so malu, i said, yeaa sure. Lol.
So he drives to my school and picked me up at my school block area. Haha. (Looks like someone knows where i am/go). Haha.

Hmm well... On the way there, there were traffic jams and traffic was kinda slow.
We talked. The conversation was alright. We catch up with each other's life.. Which was interesting.
Its nice to know that, that someone-you-know life's going great! Alhamdulillah. (:

We reached the place then the person says, it actually my laptop system configuration.. Dont need send repair! She just changed the system setting option. Aperlah! -.- Haiyoo..
I feel guilty, because he penat-penat accompany me to Jurong just for the setting option which takes a few minutes only! So sedih kan?
Also, the person says, at Plaza Singapura or century square also have! Isshh. -.-"
Guilty, yet im very thankful for what he did and the long journey.

As we go back, we talked some more.
I found out about his life.. About his family. Then talk about my family.
Hmm.. Well, another surprising thing i found.
As we were talking about eating, I told him, maybe i eat at home since my mum always cook. So then i asked, did his mum cook today?

Then he looked at me, and said the most sad and surprising thing.
He replied, his mum died two years ago.
I was very shock. Astonishingly shock. :'(

In my mind, i was saying:
Oh my God. Wow.. Oh woww.. What? Innalillah wa innalillahi raji'un..

Then i asked, Died from what?

He replied, Cancer.

Honestly, it was something heart breaking when he told me.
Its like the heart have been cut open without warning.

So i asked, how are they coping?
He replied, they're ok.. just that, that time his sister-then he stops- and yeaa we're ok-continue with the conversation.
I guess, their family are well (perhaps) fine, then i guess he wanted to tell something about his sister then stops, think never mind and continues on the conversation. So yeahh.
Do you feel something? I feel something. Hmm...

When he told me, his mum died two year ago...
It strike a cord within me. Honestly, shocking.
It made me think... WOWWW! Its been two years! Woww oh wow... Oh my god.
Have two years been that long? Two years is long. Something which i never knew happened.

What was i doing two years ago?
Lets see.. Two year ago, i'd be in Year 1 poly!
And that year, November, i broke up with him.
MasyaAllah lots of things have happened to him and between us since 2 years ago :'(

For 2 years we didnt meet each other. Then when he really mentioned Two years..
God! It feel as if we just met. I didnt know how fast time passes us by.

Well, i pray to Allah, May Allah blessed him and his family. Amin ya rabbal a'lamin.

Ps: he still know where my house is. (:
& he changed house already.

3:19 PM Wednesday, May 11, 2011 back to top?

•

"I cant. But I have to let go. Because in every relationship there comes a point where the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories cant sustained you. And you have to safe yourself knowing all the while it would hurt like hell, because you cant keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return."

------

I'll wait. I'll wait. I'll wait. I wont rush. I wont rush.
Its for the better. He's moving on, he's happy. Im already over him.
Ok, i noe i said im over him. But why am i still talking bout him right?

Maybe i guess.. I want that feeling again. I want to feel that feeling.
Someone to love, someone to depend upon.

A soulmate. Where are you?

------Lets change topic.

Last sunday, in Ustaz hasbi lesson..
We talked about Kasih Sayang, and the symbol of kissing.

He says, 'Why did Rasulullah s.a.w. tawaf the kaabah and at the 7 tawaf he Kissed the Hajar Aswad?'
Umar R.A saw what Rasulullah did and did Rasulullah's action, while saying to the Hajar Aswad (which is just a ROCK -I cant remember what exactly but something along the line of- "Aku tidak akan Mencium kau yang tiada manfaat bagiku, kalaulah Rasulullah tidak berbuat begitu".

As in, Why did Rasul kissed a Rock which is not Alive and have nothing Manfaat bagi beliau? -Ever wonder?

The answer is, Kesayangan Rasulullah kepada semua makluk Allah. Samaada sebuah Batu ataupun Manusia.
This just means, Rasulullah s.a.w. kasih sayang sungguh besar sekali hingga sebuah batu yang kita selalu ignore, dia pun sayang. Begitu juga dengan kasih sayang Rasulullah kepada seluruh umat manusia.

Do you realise how big Rasulullah love is?
Do you understand, that when youlove someone.. You want to hug them and Kiss them?
Do you understand the meaning of kissing?
Do you understand the meaning of kissing someone now?


Well.. What Ustaz Hasbi says, Kerana Sayang, kita cium mereka. Kita cium ibu bapa, budak kecil dan of course our kesayangan.
So therefore kissing someone is a form of affection, a form of sayang. (: