12:40 AM Tuesday, January 31, 2012 back to top?

• Masyaallah. This was soo random.

Today for the past many months since we've not been talking or even seeing, i talked with Taufiq, on the phone. heeeeees!~
Yes, imagine how im like when im listening to his voice *squeee!"

Eventhough the phone call was just a short one, arnd 5-6min! (imagine that!?).
Haha but still im happy listening to his voice.
Ya Allah, i cant thank you you enough. Syukran syukran.

Hehe. Ya Allah, aku sayang dia.
Ya Taufiq, ana uhibbuka fillah. (:

I hope, one day you're the man i'd be married to. Insyaallah.
Dengan izin Allah. Takdir. Have faith okay, eventhough ive never told him.

Ohhs, im joining DPI, sebab Taufiq, insyaallah will be there, so yeah i nak join! heehh.
*I know mcm bad motive aje kan.. tapi...... takpe! (:

Carilah pasangan hidupmu, Yang mana jika engkau melihatnya..Engkau pasti akan teringat pada Allah serta bercita-cita ke arah memperbaiki imammu kepada Allah..

He is. He is. He is right!? Seee! I want a man like him... hehe shhh!

Hehe okay, or maybe because of his nice back and his (ring)/ long fingers :P
Shhhhh! okay?

*tapi kan Ya Allah, kalau dia bukan untukku, maka ku pasrah dan ku redha. Sesungguhnya kau maha mengetahui segalanya.

"Boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu sedangkan ia baik untukmu dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu sedangkan ia tidak baik untukmu. Allah maha Mengetahui sedangkan kamu tidak mengetahui."

Surah Al-Baqarah, ayat 216

10:08 PM Sunday, January 29, 2012 back to top?

•

“Berilah hatimu hanya untuk Allah, pasti Allah temukan padamu pemilik terbaik. Hamparkan masa mu seluasnya hanya untuk Allah, pasti Allah aturkan seluruh kehidupanmu sebaik-baiknya”

There's a phrase which Abu Bakr As Siddiq says when he was being complimented,

“O Allah, you know me better than I know myself, and I know myself better than these people who praise me. Make me better than what they think of me, and forgive those sins of mine of which they have no knowledge, and do not hold me responsible for what they say.”

—	Abu Bakr As Siddiq

Read this: (Kisah Cinta Ali bin Abi Thalib & Fatimah ). [click here]


1:22 AM back to top?

• Oh how i love your smile. (:
Because once you smiled, your dimple, your jaw, your eyes, they brightens! hehe.

Yess, im soo happyy i could dieee!~~ weeee! (not :P)

-Okayy, me, herani and annisaa went to MSQ Mcdonald after the lecture we went.

So while i was standing at the McCafe counter waiting for him to notice me, he then turned around, surpised to see me and straight-away he smiled! Awwwss~~ So cutee.
*he was mopping the floor at that time. So he was like 'Eh eh .. wait while he put away the mop' motioning to me. haha.
Then Annisaa told me, while he was going inside to put away the mop, he was ALL SMILES while walking, with his eyes lit up and his cute smile and his dimple. Awwwsss~
Masyaallah.

Hehe okay! I know this is soo cute and that Syura you do have a crush on him, but lets try not to be soo over the moon eys! hehe. - he does have a GF btw. Hee heee.
Semoga hubungan mereka sampai ke pernikahan. Insyaallah.

------

Haha i went with Herani, Annisa, Maisarah and myself to Concorde Hotel. There's this lecture about Solat by Bro Idris Tawfiq.

I like the end part, whereby there's this guy admit himself that he had lost faith in his religion, and then the ending was 'You know what is Islam? Come here my brother' then a HUG was given to the Akh. Masyaallah. It was soo heart-warming. Tears trickled down my eyes. Hees.
'There is faith inside of you, its there, just somewhere deep inside of you".

I hope that Akh, will find the right path, and may Allah guide him and surrounds him with people of Iman and Taqwa to Allah swt. Yes, uhibukka fillah ya akhi. I love you because of Allah. (:

1:37 AM Friday, January 13, 2012 back to top?

• Real love is: Afection & Mercy.

“Dickens’ Miss Havisham describes this further: “I’ll tell you…what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter – as I did!”

What Miss Havisham describes here is in fact real. But it is not real love. It is hawa.
Real love, as Allah intended it, is not a sickness or an addiction. It is affection and mercy. Allah says in His book: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30: 21)
”
— http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2009/11/13/is-this-love-im-feeling/

Ya ALLAH,

give me eyes that see the best in people,
a heart that forgives the worst,
and a soul that never loses faith… ♥

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I sort off forgot what ive been doing.
I guess these days, ive been doing things, just for the sake of doing it, getting the job done.
I forgot that i NEED to do things, for the sake of Allah. Masyaallah!~

Rasulullah bersabda,
“Barang siapa yang dikehendaki Allah menjadi orang yang baik maka dia akan diberi-Nya cubaan.

(H.R.Bukhari)

Yes. I want to be a better person, a better muslimah. But Astarghfirullah hal azim.
Ya Allah aku mohon ampun kepada kau, kerana aku tidak sabar, iman & taqwaku masih tidak kuat.

"As-sabr, as-sabr, as-sabr".
"Ya latiff, ya latiff, ya latiff"

Lail Saeed (:

12:51 AM Sunday, January 8, 2012 back to top?

• Subhanallah.
Ya Allah, syukran for always guiding and protecting me. Especially these two days.

Ya Allah, i was on the verge of crashing into someone's car today. Maybe i did, maybe i did not. Im not sure. ;'(
Because when i was reversing at the parking lot, i heard a "crash" sound. Notice behind me also got another car. So when i heard the crash sound thankfully the slot infront of me was free so i park infront to see if i really did crashed the car. :(
I went towards the car, looked looked, and subhanallah, takda apa-apa yang tak betul. Hmm...
Entahlah, ya Allah. Hanya engkau yang maha mengetahui. Dan ya Allah, even if i did, probably youve saved me ya Allah, dengan utusan-utusan Malaikat kau, mungkin disebabkan Ayat Kursi yang telah ku baca. Masyaallah. Apa-apa, aku bersyukur.

Dan Ya Allah, aku berdoa, bahawa tiada apa-apa yang terjadi dengan kereta dia dan kereta yang ku pandu. Please Ya Allah, tak mau apa-apa yang terjadi. ;'(

----

Dan Ya Allah, syukran for listening to my prayers and my pleas.
For yesterday (Friday), syukran for guiding me and making me be brave in the death procedures of my patient.

I know i cried. I cried because i was sad. But its not that which makes me into tears. It is that, while i was doing work and going on with my life, Malaikat Izrail adalah berdekatan denganku lalu mencabut Roh seseorang. Which dawns on me thus makes me reflect.
Aku benar-benar takut akan mati, kerana ku masih belum sedia, belum sedia menjadi seorang yang baik, belum sedia dalam bertaubat kepadaMu, belum sedia bahawa amal jariyah tu samaada banyak atau tidak.

Hmm, so my patinet was DIL/DNR. For comfort measure only. Then around petang, his BP drop and only hears the SBP while DBP cannot hear. Then his HR was 46bpm, and SPO2 was 90% on Venturi 50% 15l o2. Then doctor was informed, she said to inform her if pt is asystole, hence he was on cardiac monitoring from then onwards, with curtain screen and by his side the son and the son's mother was there.

I do noticed that the HR was decreasing, and i do noticed that the HR had reached 17bpm, which was very low.
Anyway, around night medication time, my SN asked me to serve his medication which was only Paracetamol. Pt was on NGT. So i asked if need to aspirate or not, she said yes.
So with the medication in hand, i went inside the curtain, asked permission to feed his medication. So yes, i did my usual NGT feeding swiftly and smoothly, with professionalism, as the relatives was there. Obviously, i dont want to ask them to go outside while i feed, since i also scared what if something happened or wad while i was feeding. But the thing was, because i understand how they feel, they'd rather be with the patient's side, so yes i want to respect their feeling. Alhamdulillah, i did my feeding smoothly. The son thanked me after that, and when i looked at the both of them, they are very calm. Masyaallah.
*As i was about to feed the patient, i noticed my patient somehow jerked his head and body, Which was unusual, as usually he'd be lying down. Hmmm....

Then i go out of the curtain, and a few minutes later, the son called me.
He said: 'Is it asystole' already?' .
Masyaallah.
I looked at the cardiogram, I saw a straight line, with a small bump and a straight line.
I was like.. Hmm.. it seems like it is, but is it? wads with the small bump?
So i told the son, "Hmmm... i will inform the staff nurse", my expressionlike sure bot sure, but kind of sure. haha.
So my SN came, she saw the cardiogram and said, 'Hmm ya...' nod her head. Inalillah wa inna ilayhi rajiun.

So i went to the Nurse counter and called the Doctor regarding asystole. Miss Evelyn was there as she came into ward and greeted me, i greeted her back, then start dialing teh numbers.
While dialling down the numbers, it somehow dawns on me that my patient is dead, and Malaikat Izrail is close by yet dia telah mencabut nyawa seseorang... Which bring my eyes to tears.
It was hard pressing the numbers as, my vision was blurry, 1 drop of tear falls and i quickly wipe my tears, so i put down my spect... the line was picked up, the doctor answered.
I told the Doctor regarding about my patient he is already asystole. End phonecall.
Miss Evelyn was there, she saw me in tears, asked why.. So yeahh Asystole.
So she said.. "Come lets move behind. Dont let any patients see." (Yes i know that).
So i turned back reach for the tissue then hide behind the wall of the doctor's room with Miss Evelyn infront of me. She kind of counselled me. I wiped my tears dry and told myself to stop crying and be brave. She then told me about her time when she was a first year and her patient died and her SN asked her to clean the body.. so she keeps talking and talking. While me on the other hand, have already stopped my tears from flowing down.. So i tried to move a bit away since ive got work to do.. Then saw my SN, so i (i think i bid gdbye to Miss Evelyn)... And told SN that i informed the doctor already. So yeahh...

Doctor came already. Forms up etc. Did documentations.
This was the first time a death happened right by my side. From first still breathing and lastly unresponsiveness.
It was a sad yet a learning lesson for me.

I guess of course lah, i sayang my patients, which maybe at first make me hard to ponder upon his death... Like this heart of mine being at the top of a rollercoster doing a "Flip".
But just then when i think about death whereby Malaikat Izrail came untuk mencabut Roh manusia.. then i started to be in tears. Masyaallah. He is soo close to me! :'(

Hmm... Subhanallah. Shukran ya Allah for listening to my doa and my plea. (:

2:52 AM Friday, January 6, 2012 back to top?

• MasyaAllah ya Allah.
She is a good person.

I need to do better. I need to be a better Muslimah. InsyaAllah.
I know where i went wrong.

I need to wear my hijab when i go for attachment. At least going home wearing the hijab.
My solat, khusyuk kan lah.
Doa kepada Allah. Do ma'thurat lazimkanlah. Zikir.
kalau boleh solat Duha.
To always remmber you whenever possible. Like today -Alhamdullilah ya Allah kerana menolongku dalam pekerjaan. MasyaAllah.

Ya Allah, YA GHAFFUR.
You are most Forgiving, You love to Forgive, so forgive me…

2:01 AM Thursday, January 5, 2012 back to top?

• Ya Allah, im not a good person.

I tried to be. But temptations overcome my logics.
Im sorry, please forgive me.

Yeah im no good. no good no good.
Make me a better person. Jauhkan aku dari riya' dan sombong dan maksiat dan dosa.

Maafkan aku, wahai YA GHAFFUR.

1:27 AM Wednesday, January 4, 2012 back to top?

• MasyaAllah. (: Everytime when i see you, ive never failed to smile. <3 *loves
hehe. ;D

Ive never onced added Fadhil as my friend in FB.
But sometimes, whenever his face popped up in an icon, and i went to see his page, it gives me a sense of 'Awww.. MasyaAllah. Ya Allah dia sungguh baik.' Always. Always.

Im very intrigued by him.
But ive just never talked to him. And eversince ive finished SPI and even weeks before SPI exams started, it wasnt often that i see him.

In the past, (well not long ago), somewhere around SPI year 4 to 5 if im not wrong, Annisaa and me will always hang out after madrasah ends. Usually we'll always go to the banquet at Raffles hospital to eat. And alot of time, we will always see him with his friends (usually girls!) haha.
It was well... nice to see him! Unique face features. :P hehehe.

But now.. I dont know if i'll ever see him again. Same goes with Taufiq too.
As neither of us are connected by any threads. Hmm... :/
I hope, one day, we'll meet each other again, and who knows connected to threads.

And who knows, (Yes! The 'What If' -Ive always love that), we're connected and joint, by Allah's grace.

Ya Allah, ya rahman ya rahim.
Sesungguhnya kau maha mendengar lagi maha mengetahui bisikan hati setiap insan.

Let me be a better person, a better muslimah, so that i can get closer to them and eventually get closer to You.
-though my sequence i know is somewhat wrong. (hmm.. how do i explain this?).
its like, i want to be a better person, since orang yang baik akan dipantaskan dengan orang yang baik, dan menjadi orang yang baik dan bersama dengan orang yang baik, akan membawa mereka menuju ke Allah s.w.t. So yeahh.

First step, to be a better person!
Ya Allah kuatkan imanku.

10:47 PM Monday, January 2, 2012 back to top?

•

What shud i do if i love you? And i noe im not getting closer to you.
Im only praying that one day, if Allah allows, that you would be mine, dalam ikatan pernikahan.

But sometimes, it scares me. Like what if one day, you werent the one?
What if you were married to some other girl other than me,? that would really crushed my heart.
But even if that is so, i really wish for the best of you. May Allah guide and protects you.

Like they say, what is infront of you which seems bad, is actually good for you. Hmm.,.
Since probably its a lesson for you. As probably, he's not meant for you, he's meant for her.
And just probably, hopefully, there is someone out there who has been looking at you all these while, but you dont know who he is. Hah.

FATE~ hahs. Asyura sukerr aje nie eh? ;D