12:59 PM Friday, January 30, 2009 back to top?

• So today was JAE result.

GUESS WHAT!
I got into Nanyang Poly, Nursing!
WOOTS! :DD

Haha. Yea.
In the end your wish was granted huh? lols. ;D

Saiful was the first person who message me! HAHA :DD
WE'RE GONNA BE SCHOOLMATES!! Mwahahaha.
"See you at school" :P

A new year, a new school, a new life.
Please, i want it to be very refreshing, full of smiles and laughter & wonderful and funny friends, classmates, group mates, schoolmates and school!
I hope that things will change.

The message i had with Amyrah, ex-madrasah Masjid Kassim friend was really funny!
Haha. Mepek mepek.
She got into Pharmaceutical science, Rp.
And we joke around about Nurse and Pharmacy.
"If you want a diagnosis, come to me, Nurse Asyura! (:"
Whereas,
"Any medicine you need please refer to the pharmacy center". :DD HAHA

COOL!

11:25 PM Saturday, January 24, 2009 back to top?

• When I have lotsa money..

I wanna indulge myself in going to the spa! Haha yea..
I wanna revitalize my self. Lols :D

Then I wanna buy lotsa pretty clothes and the best-est cosmetic.

I also wanna have a change of hairstyle!

Besides money..
I wanna change my self as well as my life!

For my self, it means I wanna be that person, the one of the girls/women I looked up upon.
I wanna be that sweet, fragile but strong person and a confident charismatic personality.
As well as someone who is well-like by people -in a good way!

Hehe :D

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Do you know something?

Im not as upset as before. Really really really.
I know that ive once said that im not upset/miserable as 'that' day, it just means that it's an improvement ever since that day.

Well, after the O level result, i was kinda a bit depressed and disappointed.
Especially-sorry to say this- with GOD! And with myself too.
I mean, really, i was kinda disappointed and sad with God.

Cause everyday i pray, i always ask for the same thing which is a good result for O level.
But in the end.. it was like barely there.
And probably maybe god thinks thats that IS a good result for me.
And it reminded me of my O level Malay, the same thing.
So yea... I kinda lost my faith, you know.

And i wondered, 'what the heck is this? a test from god? am i supposed to take things into perspective and say that god is actually nice and that there is more to it than meets the eye? Such as probably there is something better for me out there, somewhere. And is this takdir? Then what the hell is Qada' and Qadar use for?' etc thoughts.

And thank God on the next night which is on a Tuesday 13 Jan, i had my period.
Cause probably, if i hadnt.. Probably i would just pray as if its nothing/meaningless/numb while rejecting what God did to me. Hehs.
On Tuesday, i went to Bedok Library after going to NYP to see and talk about the nursing course with the lecture Miss Aisyah. I borrowed a book by Benazir Bhutto :Reconciliation. It was quite an eye opener. Faith, verse from Quran are there too.

Then there was the trying to renew my faith in God. Thats the reason why i wanted to see Ustazah SALBIAH on the 18 Jan, Sunday. Cause to me she's one of the elders i respect and looked up to. I like her positive comment/interpretation/teaching.. It made me feel so umm ALIVE! Like thinking i can do it, being open minded and thinking that God is great and stuffs-Unlike my new madrasah teachers! -.-
But seeing her just didnt happen cause things came up and stuffs.

Oh! On 14 Jan. Went to Annisaa's house to submit my online form to NIE.
Went TM. She bought the same perfume/body mist as i have. Haha. Glad she likes it. Lols. (:

In the nights, or when my dad 'preach/lecture/scold' me. I get very sad.
And tears just streams out of my eyes. Besides dad, thinking of my results makes me feel so frustrated hence the crying. Hmm...
*The crying... is the one that i post on my previous post. About what i think in the night. Hehs.

The choices i made which was to either go to Nursing or Teaching. Finally! I had a peace of mind in deciding my choices, during the night thinking bout stuffs. I ended up thinking that i should pursue Nursing.

It was on a Thursday afternoon, 15 Jan, -while out with Zunairah and Herani to Expo- I recieved a call from my Tuition teacher, Mr Arul.
I told him about my results, my choices, what he thinks and what should i do.
Then talking to him.. It makes me feel very glad that Mr Arul was there for me and support me.
He told me about teaching and careers. And that nursing is a good step in job prospect.
Besides that, he says "I can see you in nursing.. Like caring and stuffs", which makes me happy and thankful. (:

While talking, as usual.. a crybaby like me.. Tears streams down my cheaks. Hees.
Talking to him, he says that i should retake English as well as E.Math. As English is very important and is use for future promotion.
Whereas E.Math, he says at least get a Distinction! And that i receive a B3 in A.Math. Therefore i have the potential to at least obtain a distinction in E.Math. So yea.
Thank you for the ENCOURAGING WORDS! (:

What he says about my result?
He said that its actually quite good. Just one step away from a Distinction! So yea...
Thank you once again.

Well on 21 Jan, I went to National Library, Bugis.
Did English Compre and E.Math.
Was wondering.. Do i really dont need to have any teacher to teach me! Haha.
Like what i says, PRIVATE CANDIDATE! Hmm...
I'll try my best though. And give my best shot in retaking O Level ENGLISH & E.MATH !
Gambatte Asyura! (:

Then the most MIRACULOUSLY thing happen to me.
There was a Famous Amos Cookie Shop in Bugis Junction, the mall.
I went inside and inquire about the job vacancy.
I want to work in FAMOUS AMOS shop! The girl gave me the form and i filled it up.
The girl was nice! She says one of the stuffs recently quit, so there's a job vacancy.
And Wohoo!.. I hope we'll work closely, cooperative and nicely one day. Hehe ;D
In my heart i knew and hope i'll get the job. ^^

Went home then.
Probably feeling satisfied. As if, it not so painful as before. (:

Then the next day on 22 January!
I recieved a call that i was ACCEPTED to WORK in FAMOUS AMOS COOKIES SHOP!
WWWEEEEEEESSSSSS~~~~~~~!
Was really happy and thanked God! (:
*Ever since young, i've always wanted to work in Famous Amos. So its realy a dream come true! ;DD

I'll start work on 2nd FEBRUARY 2009! (:
I shall/wanted to work as full time before Poly starts and after Poly starts i'll probably work as part-time.
Hoooray!!~~ FOR ME. I feel very independent! :DDDD
The person will call me again this coming week. To finalize the stuffs.

After that, i called Nadiah and told her about the Good news. Hehe.
Then we talk some stuffs on the phone for about 1hr 55min. Haha ;D

And thats how i wasnt depressed anymore.
Once again. Thank you, God and the people around me who supports me! (:

2:00 AM Monday, January 19, 2009 back to top?

• I wanna ride a viking boat.
I wanna experience the feeling I once had; that "your heart starts to lurch, you're caught in your breath and you feel as if there's butterfly in your stomach".

I wanna go to an ice skating rink and learn to do the twirl or axle.

I wanna play on a swing and experience the momentum of the gravity.

I wanna visit the beach that I've visited on 1st Jan 2008.
Laying down on the sand looking up at the night sky, preferably starry.

I wanna take a picture of the sunset with me looking to the camera, and having the caption "cause I see sunset in your eyes".

I wanna believe once again and renew my faith in God.

What else?

I wanna stop these tears from being hopeless, faithless, lostness and sadness.

11:41 PM Monday, January 12, 2009 back to top?

• My head spins! A headache.
My heart is cracked but it is still intact.

I can say that im lucky.
Even though there's a part of me which feels like cursing and swearing to the Big guy..
But its ok.

Let me still believe in miracle, faith and hope. Hees.

Haha! I wanna laugh out loud. But there's nothing to laugh.

Lets be optimistic.
I don't wanna beat myself up anymore.
I was upset earlier. But im feeling better now.

-------

That crap fat*** is shooting down my hope of being a Malay Teacher in NIE.
Saying that if i go to NIE my salary is small as compared to going to Poly having a diploma.
FUCK OFF!!
I wont let it affect my mood. *putting up a smile*

I'll probably enter either NURSING or TEACHER! ;D
hees~

------

So the result:

ENGLISH : D7
H.MALAY : B4
MATHEMATICS : B3
ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS: B3
SCIENCE(PHY/CHEM) : B3
MALAY : B3
PURE GEOG : B3
COMBINED HUMANITIES : B3

HOPE IS NOT LOST! (:

-------

Ok f***k mum too
-just now.
d*d-"jangan jadi macam Bush tau.. sombong...."
FUCK.its not that i dont like youre lecturing.
How things cock up:
I told mum , that i wanna go to nursing.
then she says nursing kena clean up taik Apek orang. Boleh tak..
Then some other stuffs she says plus some bad things about nursing which i dont wanna hear the bad news.
Then i said, "okok.. dah dah. I am very interested dalam nursing".
Then she says i sombong.
Actually im not that sombong. because i just dont wanna listen to those bad points she says.
For me, if i like it, i like it. Full stop. Dont shoot hopes/passion/nterest down. You'll make me feel even more miserable.

So yea. I'll stop my angry-ness. Tears are flowing down too right now. But i'll make it stop.

Dad : "Tengok eh.. Ini akibat nak challenge mak bapak. Tengok abang... Nasib baik diri baik.. Asyura jangan bangga diri.. Belum lagi apply boleh masuk... Pasal Allah selalu side Mak Bapak kita. Kita hantar sekolah.. Kasi makan minum.."
-this is what he really says! *no editting!

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How i felt when i got my result.
I wasnt scared.
I got it. Didnt look at the result. But Ms Shawa got looked at me one kind. Should have noticed it. HAHA!
See the paper.
Saw the down subject B3.
Then saw Eng D7.
Feels nothing much...
Bam! It hit me... "ohh a Seven..", "Is that a pass?", "Oh its not a pass.. Its a fail", "Wait....!", "English D7..? It means i cant enter poly or jc??", "FUCK!".. *STARTS CRYING.*

Stayed and chat with Quek for a bit. He failed Eng D7.
He's the first person i found out about getting D7. Then i said "EH!! REALLY??" *LAUGH WHOLEHEARTEDLY*, yup. Cause was glad that im not feeling the only one shit. But Quek result was good.

On the way back home, actually didnt wanna go home. Walk a long way to bus stop.
Nadiah says that i can replace my HMT with English. Was feeling very HAPPY!. Until it dawns on me when i reach Cik Atan's house that i cant get into JC and replace my HML because i Failed my Eng. So once again, Fuck. But at that time at rumah Cik Atan(which i decided not to go home) i was feeling cooled and calm about it. Since i still can go POLY, so i am contented with it and not feeling miserable.

Ok So yea!

******* INTERESTING PART was:
In the hall after staying there and chatting with a few,
I wanna go off already. Then i say to MR EDWIN CHO "BYE MR CHO!".
Mr Cho is my sec 1 Science teacher. I have a really HUGEEE crush on him! HEHEHE :D

He wanted to know my result so i told him-he says "Huh?"- then he wanna see my result-cause he doesnt believe it-
I showed him. Then he says "WOWW! This is a crap way of dying..." -.- *i think so too. HAHA!
Then i got emotionally and started crying again cause thinking of the damn result.
Tear were streaming down my cheeks. He says "Dont cry, dont cry.. You have to move forward". Then he pat my head/hair a few times.
I was still crying. Then i told him "Thank you for being my science teacher in sec 1....." and something about him being the bestest and loving his lesson cause it was fun.
Then he says "AWWW..." Then he cup my face. *AWWWW!!! SWEEET!!!! :DDDDD
*then looking back, I WISH I COULD HAVE THOUGHT OF HUGGING HIM! Mwahahahaha ;DD

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Ok so, went to rumah Cik Atan house. He help me decide.
Then went out eat SWENSEN! Finally i had my Chocolate Crunch ice cream. :D
Then i tolD him "Is that all youre gonna buy for me?" Haha! ;D
Then he says if i wanna buy anything or not.
Then i told im "I want this thing at BodyShop can? It cost about $20." HEES~
So then i bought this BodyShop perfume which ive been eyeing for quite sometime.. Actually its a body mist but its the same thing, at $19.90 !
I also receive a $20 from him.
Mwahaha :D

Thank you Cik Atan.

He also says if i got into NIE, he can help me through..
As in coach.. Like putting his name in the interview and saying i am passionate about joining it. Eventhough my malay is B3 but is still took up H.Malay. And my H.Malay is a B4 which i only took when i was sec 3!
So hell yea! :DD
------

Mr Cho and Cik Atan made my day bright today. So thank you for that.

10:46 PM Sunday, January 11, 2009 back to top?

•






Tomorrow...

DEAR GOD,
PLEASE GRANT MY WISHES !

Im not scared. I am just probably am scared of being Disappointed.
If disappointment happens, it will be like the phrase "the worlds came crashing down on me".
If it is a joyous moment then Ya Allah, i will do a (few or more)really good deed! :D

SO PLEASE HEAR MY PLEA.

*O level result tomorrow.

By the way, I'll baca Quran and dedicate it to all those rakyat Palestin dan juga mangsa yang dikorban kerana serangan Israel. Semoga mereka iaitu orang-orang Palestin mendapat ketenagan jiwa.
I will Zikir banyak-banyak too.
& I'll go to Mum's belajar class Quran (tajwid/makhraj).

InsyaAllah, i will do it.

;D

11:31 PM Saturday, January 10, 2009 back to top?

• Went out to get Madrasah report Book today.
Went with Herani and Zunairah. Hehe :DD

Reached Masjid Kassim then we hang around the shops. Haha.
Cause it was Asar time and the counter people tengah sembahyang/

Anyway, later on at counter we the person went to take our books.
Then later on we saw our Arab sec 1 to sec 2 ustazah!
Was really nostalgia seeing her.
Then i waved frantically at her! Haha. was excited and happy to see her Lols.

So my result was a position of 4/15! yeah.. haha.
-though i wished it was 3 -.-" heh heh.
Then there was a few A's, one B and 1 D.
Fiqeh, Tafsir, Arab was A
Hadith was B
Tasawwuf, was D. I think many people did badly in this subject. hehs.
P/s: D is not a fail grade!

But obviously my percentage was lower than my previous penggal 1.
But you know something...
Last time, last penggal DAD dont care about anything else except for GRADES! Meaning 'A's.
So you know what i mean. *sarcastic*

Then later went to register my madrasah for PERGAS.
Was ecstatic to find out that i could enter madrasah when the person calls me at night just now.
YAY! *twist & twirl*
Baru hantar form hari ni, dah dapat admission apabila malamnya. HAHA!
Rawks man! I can see ANNISAA again. Be classmates again! WOOHOOO :DD

Ohh, just now me and Annisaa talk about going to SAKURA after madrasah!
Wearing Baju kurung pula! To Bugis. HAHA. Ok cool!
We'll be MELAYU. Lets model off our baju(s) kurung. HAHAHA ;DDD

On the way home, in the bus stop waiting for the bus.
I told Zu and Herani that Syed's (our ex-madrasah classmate) birthday was on 8th Jan!
Then later on, ALL OF 3, messaged Syed Happy Birthday with each and their own wishes. HAHA!
First Herani sent her's. Then Zunairah sent. Then I sent mine!
And what i get in my message?
Syed: "Haha.. Korang kat ane?" LOLS.

Therefore, it goes to shows that he knows that we are all together lols.
Few minutes later Syed called my phone. Then called Herani pula since he hanged off the phone, since the voice wasnt minbe but Herani. Main prank ah ni.. lols.
So on the phone of Herani, Herani talked with him. Both Zunairah and Me was like holding our laughters and smiling smiling! HAHA :D
Syed wanted to see all of us again.
So after the call ended. We decided that on 15 JANUARY, all of us including Syed, we'll meet each other! So yea.. I cant wait for that!
I also miss Syed. Haha. That cheerful, awkward, dumb, problematic guy! -.- hehehe.

All three of us took a picture together. Will post it here downwards. Hehe.
Oh then we walk home together by our usual routes. Hehs.
Zu talk about ESG alot onthe way home! ;DD hehs.

When we all walk our separate ways, we both Salam each other.
Aww.. The nostalgia! ;DD
I loves madrasah days. And i miss Ustazah Salbiah. I love her way of thinking and the way she acts. She is one of the people i respect most. :D
Thank you, ustazah for being into my life.
Not forgetting all of my madrasah friends who have made things possible in creating a beautiful memory in my life.
Such as Akhbar, Hafiz, Annisaa, Amyrah, Farahain. :D