1:33 AM Wednesday, September 29, 2010 back to top?

• So there is this guy, who I may be like?

Ok well.. He is on my mind most of the time. But the best thing is that, my heart really does squee or flutters whenever im around him. which makes me feel very happy and light hearted. So yeahh.. maybe ive fallen?

But somehow, im scared to fall down very deep.

Im scared that he’s just playing around with my feelings.
Eventhough he told me that he’ll wait for me or those he missed me and even the question of being in a relationship, it somehow leaves me kinda doubtful and messed up inside.

Ive prayed to God and asked, if he’s the best for me, so then let him be near me. But if he’s the worst for me, so then let him be far away from me.

Honestly im not sure myself, if its me or its him.
One thing for sure, he really does leave me hanging, thus making me wonder if ‘are we here or are we there?’ Hmm..
In my opinion, he could be a very sweet lovable boyfriend, if we were to be together. His personality and temperament wise, well Im not sure.. But he really is Considerate, which I’d love that about him too.
What else?

Maybe it’s the spontaneous and the conversation between us which makes me think and judge wisely and somewhat harshly? Haha.
At times our conversation are fun, sometimes mundane while another just plain boring like the answer-the-question reply.

One of the things which im looking out for in a relationship is spontaneous.
Our spontaneously talking with each other no matter what.-At least we’re talking and not silent(although there are somehow a few times we’re silent, but probably It may be because we’re both racking up our brain to find things to talk to-or those just awkward silence? hmm). So, things to talk to revolving about our life, our issue, our problems, our families, our friends, the skies the beautiful moments together!

As well as our spontaneously in being together or did something together. The things just happened!

Our closeness and proximity.
I wish to get to know him more and better. Isnt he the one that says that we’ll be good friends, then close friends and eventually more than friends; Girlfriend, future somebody? Hmm.
Knowing that we’ll always be by each other side, no matter the harsh or the good times. Knowing he’s there for me and im there for him. Knowing his and my circumstances. Knowing our strengths and weakness thus helping each other. I really would love to do that with him. I really do!

But why… why cant you wait, baby?
Im pretty sure we could have been more-well that is if youre not playing with me and that youre sincere in being with me.
Werent you the one that said that youre sincere in being my someone important, and also youre willing to wait for me. But now.. Where does all that go now?
IS IT ME? Am I playing the too hard to get girl? Or the circumstances of us now? Or the usual loves fades scenarios? Tell me which is which.

Why did you say that im lying/denies me of what I said when I say that if ‘its fate that we’re together then we’re together’. I know that my answer is very subjective and metaphor. But really, that is my answer now. I can, insyaAllah be with you. Can you wait please? I need time, dear love.
Please don’t the sudden goodbye. Please don’t leave me standing still once again. It breaks my heart.

Hush don’t rush. We’re not in a hurry.
Dear love, please don’t falter.

2:13 AM Tuesday, September 21, 2010 back to top?

• Sometimes you'd wished that you're always a perfectionist.

However, as they have always said, when we fall, we'll learn from it.
But what if when you fall, you wont ever get up again, those fears and scars still haunting you. Hmm.. Ok oks, maybe im just a lil bit too much exaggerating.
But come on, you dont wanna bad things to happen to your life right? Oh wells.

Lets just pray for a smooth journey, ok babe? (:

------
I dont really know what to say about sa-rang.
Too good to be true. Leaves me bewildered and waiting.
Ive always wonder when this sa-rang will stop and fade away. Hahs, cause it have always been in my mind.
Sometimes, you show no effort at all. & the conversation i'd wished it'd be more spontaneous, not just the sweet whispering or nothings. Helloo are we there yet?

Kerana tanpamu, aku sepi.

12:41 AM Friday, September 17, 2010 back to top?

• So i prayed to God:

Ya Allah,
Jika ia terbaik bagiku, maka jadikanlah dan dekatkanlah ia padaku.
& Jika ia terburuk bagiku, maka jauhilah ia padaku.

Kisah tentang kehidupan, kecintaan, keinsanan dan kesabaran. (;
hehehe.

Please guide me!

Kerana tanpamu, aku hilang.
Hilang arah jalan dan tujuan.

1:46 AM Tuesday, September 14, 2010 back to top?

• A friend of mine wrote this. So i wanted to put it inside this post.
Since it makes me feel very nostalgically awww.. I was there.

Sometimes my feeling is overwhelming, and even though I understand that we will never get to see each other again, there is a part of me that wants to hold on to you forever.

It would be easy for me to do that because loving someone else might diminish my memories of you.

Yet, this is the paradox: Even though I miss you greatly, it's because of you that I don't dread the future.

And, in your own way, you've made me believe that true love cannot be denied.
I loved you too much to have to let you go.

I reallyy love the Underline phrase. Its very sweet dont you think so?
Awwwss. Moving on isnt easy, i know that. But i know that we cant just stay there forever, because if its meant to be, it will be, yeah babe.
A better one out there, lets just believe in this. Hmm.

Hmm and what else?
Im thankful for what we had, how you came and brighten up my days, even the short period of time we've spent. We'll miss those days, yeah sure we do. (:

------
Haha, why am i writing this? Umm errks, i just feel like it.
It makes me sooo awww~~.

3:55 AM Thursday, September 9, 2010 back to top?

• Ive been Dreaming, these days. A lot of time.

Well, i really should get back to reality- if only i could.
Shit. :'(

Few days ago, i had an interesting dream though. hehe.
Dreams are weird and somehow are meant to be ridiculous at times though. So bear with it.
However it can be funny just recalling bout the dream. (;

So I was out walking, and guess who was walking beside me?
A hot, nice-looking-built shoulder-and body- (In other words, a hottie? :D) Eurasian guy was walking beside me.

So we walked together, my arm in his arm's as if hugging (Well its nice!).
Bewildering, they guy was holding a kid. A young boy, probably his son. The boy looks cute too and his looks is of a Eurasian kid-obviously.
However, in my dream.. I was wondering, "I wonder where his mum is...?", which i'd never did said or asked that qn to the guy.

So yeah it was weird.
I was happy with the guy. BUT wassup with the kid?
- Even an Eurasian look too.
AND why the me wondering who's or where's the kid's mum is? *grins*

Insanely weird but a nice dream. Haha.
Well, think whatever we want yeah? Fantasy, its your choice. Haha.

------
Anyway, I bought Hari raya baju just now, with Nadiah. Thank you.
I really really think that she's my lucky star lah! :D Hehehe.
As usual, shopping habis lah babe! :D
$48+$45+$50+$10= $153 in one day. (Around there lah). Whoaaa.
Also umm, i got my pay! TWO. Weeees! Im rich, alhamdulillah (:

2:27 AM Wednesday, September 8, 2010 back to top?

• Walking alone at Geylang just now, along with the frustration and sadness of not getting to buy a nice baju for Raya, made me realised that im really alone.
Sad :'(

Dont get me wrong about walking alone. I dont mind walking alone.
Its just that, during my time of in need of someone, it seems that i cant find them.
So i tried to call a few of my friends. Some answered, but they couldnt be beside me, to come down and accompany me.
Faham? Where's the physical support? No one's there!
Emotional support?- Its like Gyaahh takpelah, Syura can jaga diri baik baik sendiri.

It's like yeahh.. i have close friends, my treasured ones. But.. Its missing something.
Where's the Spontaneity?
Example, "Hello, eh kau come down uh kat sini, accompany aku." . "Eh kau free? Jom gi keluar?". Something like that.

It's always the, tak free. Aku busy. Mak aku tak kasi keluar uh. Aku ada curfew. Ada exam besok(ok lah exam i fahamlah).
Macam hmmm...? ^.- (dalam hati kental lah kau! :P)

Tapi thanks to Nadiah for answering and layankan/bebual with me on the phone sekejap. And even offers/compromise to go out and help me find my clothes tomorrow.
Thank you ok? I really appreciate it. Kaulah satu-satunye
-Although yelah, your situation and mine tak sama sometimes, such as your curfew while me with no curfew and your parents control while me with no need parent to control me -.- Haha.
Well ive mentioned to Nadiah about the sentence above. She then replied, "Good lah, it means you have kawan yang baik-baik ape" -.-.
Hmm yelah tu.. *smirks* -Yelaahh, tapi depends lah.

I need someone SPONTANEOUS!
Who'll make me feel as if, youre the only one i could count on. Or the teman to do/go anything with. Or the teman whom both of us are always being at random moments.
Can i befriend that person?

Sesungguhnya, hati ini sakit dan sedih sekali!
Thats the reason why im not sleeping-cant sleep! Fikiran terganggu.
Banyak sangat berlaku hari nie.

3:52 AM Tuesday, September 7, 2010 back to top?

• I feel like making tumblr. Hmmm yea.. Maybe soon, if i'd feel like it.
I think that its cool, especially the pictures posted. haha.
Who knows! We'll see.

Its 4 am in the morning, and im kinda startiong on Psychology revision/reading up.
Hahaha. Girl, your crap! Just becase psycho start tmr at 4pm. A 1 hr paper, and only 60 MCQ Qns huh? ;D haha. Who would be chiong-ing. lols.
But im scared that maybe the mcq is tricky then it tricked me. So yeahh.. I shall shut up and study.

Its funny how, whenever, im talking with Enda, i'd always pop out random qns or talks? HAHA.
Maybe youre the closest person i have to me now. Haha. You're pretty awesome! (:

Im starting attachment next week, 13 sept.
Dear god, please always show me your guidance oks (:
You know i need you!~

My RYC '09 lovely friend, Aishah, ajak me to Qiyam. But aww.. So sad, i couldnt go.
Period sucks! :'( I was hoping at least Sunday lah ia boleh datang. But it came earlier on friday. Dah lah miss malam 27 of ramadhan.

Do you notice the past 2 days, its been raining?
Mum saysdoa akan dikabulkan apabila kita berdoa ketika hujan. Hmmm.
Some people hate the rainy weather. Hahs!
But well... I love it! ;D You already know why yeah?.

11:25 PM Wednesday, September 1, 2010 back to top?

• So i was reading this comic,
Shishunki Miman Okotowari Kanketsuhen,
by the Author: Watese Yuu.
and i like this 2 pages, Vol.01 Ch.003 :





Well yeah. I love the phrase:
Sometimes, when you come to a dead end you just need to sit down and think (: Hahs yeahh.
Not forgetting the warmth embrace and the encouragement given to keep us moving along.

Uwahhhs! :D