12:17 AM
Friday, July 29, 2011 back to top?
Bagaikan angin
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Kau datang, bagaikan angin
Sekejap kencang sekejap tenang.
Setelah kau datang, mengisi hati ini
Punah-ranah dan tak tentu arah kau membuatnya
Lalu kau pergi dengan senyap
Meninggalkan kesan kedatanganmu itu
7:11 PM
Saturday, July 23, 2011 back to top?
may sound lame
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You know.. those guys who came and approach me, then asked for my number...?
Sometimes I wonder... why can't they be more than what they are. - not in numbers.. but in terms of their character and personality.I realised they say.. in the first place that they were nervous yet attracted to meet me.
To me their approach was very brave and its cute of them. Haha.
So then they got my number.. then somehow few days later saying that if possible they'd want to go for lunch or meet with me together.
I question myself, the flow we're going as in just a few days only we're meeting?
Isn't it too fast.. or how the way things are? Of course about meeting them, i'd avoid.. since i 'd feel awkward.
What more with our different life, background and friends. I'm not saying going a blind date is not good.. though I know sometimes in life we should take the plunge/chance.
Ah well.. im just rambling. I dont understand what im saying too. Haha.
That guy the one i met a few days ago, says im "Ekshen".
Hmm.. why? Maybe because im playing too hard to get method? -Well sorry if im like that..
But.. Its not that im playing..I guess, part of me is testing you. And part of me is waiting.. Wondering if youre the right person. Seeing how you are by the way you act or converse with me.Because in time.. If youre the right guy, i believe that what we have is true and real.So, dear.. Dont rush. Time will tell.
Dont know ehh..
Bukakan lah pintu hatimu.
Macam.. susah sikit lah hati ini.No.. its not about susah... its just that.. mungkin, i havent accepted you lagi.You belum prove to me that youre worth it.Okok rants, blahh.
2:58 AM
back to top?
takut
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Aku takut...
Aku takut aku akan jatuh cinta padanya.
Sungguh takut.
Kerana dia bukan apa yang ku inginkan.
Tapi kalau cinta, mana boleh memilih?
Tapi tanya otak.. mahukah si dia?
Bolehkan ia berpanjangan?
Merepek ku kata.
3:36 AM
Friday, July 22, 2011 back to top?
kini kau datang
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Kau datang...Setelah lama kau menghilangkan diri.Apa sebabnya kau datang,Apabila ku telah bertekad bahawa kau bukan untukku.------
Z came back. You tau kan siapa dia?
Sungguh aneh, yet sad.
Dia kata dia regret everything and that dia miss saya.
Tapi... dia mahu explain diri dia melalu pertemuan dan tidak telefon.
Entah lah.. dia pun merepek.. kalau miss saya, kenapa taknak call saya? berbual? Beh ada hati pulak suruh saya call dia! Gi jalan daah.
Dia ada tanya kalau saya ada Boyfriend, lalu saya tipu dia jawab, saya Ada.
Saya tipu .. sebab i think its the right choice. I tak mau dia ada hati pada saya. Mungkin sebab.. saya mahu let him free.
Sebenarnya, kedatangannya sungguh mengejutkan, makes me wonder why?
Apakah sebab dia dah break up dengan girlfren dia.. tu sebab dia datang kepada saya? Hishh kalau macam gitu.. Jangan harap lah, saya akan kembali kepada dia.
Sebenarnya.. Saya tidak benci dia. Dan saya juga tidak sayang dia.. Sayang dahulu, tapi sekarang tidak.
Sebab dia telah pergi menghilangkan diri di waktu saya menyayanginya... Mungkin hati ini sedih, terlalu berkecil hati.. Benar.
Saya juga telah maafkan dia... Tentang apa yang telah terjadi.
Sudah 4-5mth kita bersepi, hingga sekarang baru dia menjelma.
Tetapi.. Dia datang, membawa hati yang telah berkecil hati ini bergetar.Sampai hati dia kata dia rindu saya? Tidakkah dia yang telah meninggalkan saya? Hati ini? Kenapa kembali lagi?
Maaflah, kerana aku telah lama bertekad. Setelah kehilanganmu itu.. Aku tahu.. bahawa kau bukan untukku.Aku mencari seorang yang lain daripada kau.Seorang yang memahami, menyayangi..Seorang yang tidak akan membuat ku kesepian, keseorangan, keraguan.Seorang yang ada disisiku di kala ku sedih, gembira, bingung dan banyak lagi. Seorang yang ada, yang ku percaya akan kehadirannya saat ku mengingininya. Seorang yang ku suka berbicara dengan, bagaikan kawan rapat. Di mana aku senang meluahkan hati & perasaanku. Serta bersenyum gembira dengan adanya dia.Maka, janganlah kamu bersedih atau menyesali tentang semua yang telah berlaku.Semua yang telah berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya.
Kan telah ku berkata, jika ia takdir, maka sesungguh akan kita bertemu lagi.Aku tidak membencimu, aku pun telah memaafkanmu.Namun apakah aku dapat melupakan? Melupakan apa?
Melupakan bahawa kau meninggalkan ku? Melupakan semua kenangan terindah bersama di waktu dulu? Ku ingin mengucapkan, terima kasih atas kenangan terindah antara kita.
Namun... Aku harus pergi. Pergi.. terbang jauh..Maafkan aku.
1:51 AM
Tuesday, July 19, 2011 back to top?
Feelings.
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Janganlah kau berharap.Janganlah kau berfikir.Kerana dia mungkin bukan untukmu.Usai sudah... Lepaskan semua.Hapuskan air matamu.------
Hees feeling-feeling nak tulis gitu. (;
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I wish i could do better. Maybe im not trying hard enough ):
Haizz..
I always wonder what are my strengths. Can someone tell me?
Can i ask something? If you meet a new person, obviously you would smile at the the person right? -Well that is if that person is not scary looking.
I mean.. Smiling have a great impact. Like the "Hey i'd like to get to know you non-verbal cue etc. Ok blerghh... this wasnt what i meant.. Oh wait, i just dont know how to say.
Someone said to me , "Sometimes, i dont know what your are thinking about".
I guess im that hard to understand? ):
Sad.
Actually, I was excited with driving just now.
Then feedback was given at the end, then i began to be quite emotional kinda.
Ah well... I dont know if what he said was wrong, or im in the wrong or im just dissapointed in myself which'd led me to feel sad.
Honestly saying, when people tell me something about myself, when face to face..
I just kinda.. Dont know how to react.
Usually, I'll be "Uhuh.. Yeahh.. Yea...", then sometimes my eyes would wander far off (because i kind of dont know where to place my eyes since i feel AWKWARD, or either that im THINKING).
At that point in time, i would ask myself, my mind going.. 'Really? I did that? True? Oh man.. Haizz... Shit. Ok thats sad. Thats dissapointing...'.
I dont mind people being honest, i mean its good to be honest about the feeling. Yes with me i can accept the feedback, listening.
But at the same time, i wonder.. Is that really true? Is that who i am?
Then there's the not being in the same wavelength.. Like..''I'd never meant for it to be like that, its SAD that he he thinks that way about me'. You realised i say "Sad" not "disbelief"?
Hmm I dont know lah.. Maybe i take things to the heart. Sampai hati.
I mean.. As i am, i wont condemn the person who says it lah.. Its just that, me myself whose feelings and rational thinking is messed up leaving me to wonder if all this is true and im in the wrong or 2-person being in different wavelength. Hmm dont know lah.. May be im stubborn and dont wanna admit it?
Then there's the point where, An enemy will always point out your REAL flaws.
If that is true, i guess thet 'feedback' was real isnt it? Then should i believe it? 100% or 50%?
Yeaa thats the thing.
Oh well. Darling, leaving aside all those not good stuffs, i shall focus on things to be improved oks? (:
Thank you.
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Oh tadi bila nak balik, i was still feeling sedih jugakkan.. beh suddenly walking past orang ini, si dekni approach i. Kata if i kat driving center tadi.. So yeahh i said Yes. Then he say sebab he saw me. So bla bla. Exchange number.
But really eh.. at first while he approach me, me with my ear piece i say "Yeahh.." Then continue walking.. Then i saw macam dia nak bebual lagi.. I slowed my pace and stop then dengar ape dia bebual betul2.
Its an ironic that bila i tengah sedih2 ada org datang lalu i gi layan dia. HAH!
Maybe i was glad for the interuption or distraction i guess. Oh well. -.-
9:00 PM
Sunday, July 17, 2011 back to top?
Jangan kau lepaskan
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Cinta, datanglah... dan...Peluklah diriku dan jangan kau lepaskan ku darimu.Bilakah akan kau datang?Menerangi hidupku dengan penuh tawa dan bahagia.
Trololololololo. If you're beautiful, then i'm gorgeous! Hi darl. (:
