10:56 PM Wednesday, February 23, 2011 back to top?

• Well Ive always wanted to this, If i have a Boyfriend.

Well.. After my Boyfriend finished his work at night maybe 8 or 9pm...
We SHALL go or even have an unplanned visit to Marina Barrage. You know.. That building with Green grass and overlooking the Sky?
Well since, its night.. We shall be star-gaze at the pretty stars and be overwhelmed with the universe, the sky. Then we shall talk about all the things which have happened in our life, our plans, daily thing, and most importantly.. Whats on our mind.

Then when it gets cold, (Ok i know im dreaming)..
But ive always wanted to sit on a Boyfriend's lap and then he would hug and cuddle me tight. Hehe.
Well i think thats cute! Or err well.. Pretty romantic :P Haha.

Oh then maybe when we get hungry, Ive already-probably-prepared a sandwich for us to munch on. So it'll be like a picnic in the beautiful place. Haha. Then we'll take pictures (eventhough its night?).
Aww.... Sweet! haha. :D

So its time for us to go home.
As usual, he would wait for me to board the train first. We'll talk, we'll hold hands.
Then when my train's reaching soon, It time for us to say Goodbye.
He'd looked at me standing there. Us looking face to face with each other. As if not wanting to part ways.
Then on cue, i would turn my face to the side as he bent down and kissed my cheek.
HEHEHEHE :D

Okayyy.. So much of a girl's fantasy! Haha.

12:53 AM Monday, February 21, 2011 back to top?

• A few things happened to me today.
I thank Allah for making my day, and for letting me open my eyes to see all the lovely things which was instored.

Went Madrasah. Banquet with Annisaa & Aqilah after school. Went Esplanade library alone to study.

Yes, went Esplanade Library alone. Haha. Studied Bio there.
& along the way, I MISSED HIM. Yes, crazy but truly.

@630pm So i text him:
"Can i meet you after work? I miss you :( I'm outside now studying.."

But no replies. Well i expect that, since his workplace dont allow phone.

@710pm i text Nadiah
"I finished studying. Just need to memorize some stuffs.
The thing is I was wishing i could meet that guy.. So yeahh.. Library closed at 9pm, and after that maybe i slacked around a bit... till 10 he finished work.
And umm... yea. I wanna wait? But maybe I'm stupid. Haha"

She replied: Hahas. Nvm luh.. Then you memorize what you need to do while waiting :)

Me: Hehehe awww. You're so sweet thanks! ((:
She: Whatt.. Haha.. I nvr do anything nice to you also.

*Haha. Because the way she replied me was very sweet of her. Really i appreciate that support. Hehe(:

My phone was low battery.

I text Nadiah.
@930pm: "Nad.. Now im in msq. Hp batt low :( no msges. I scared my phone died on me."

@933pm:"I need to decide if its worth the wait or not."

@937pm: "Should i make the most craaziest attempt in just going to his workplace? ION. I dun noe abt his reaction wad will be? Haahs. Though i scared my 'flight' will troubles him. Mmm".

I hurriedly went off! BECAUSE I REALLY REALLY NEED TO SEE HIM TODAY!
A cry of outburst emotions!

955+pm My Hp batt died on me. -.-

When i reached ION it was 10pm. I searched for the shop.
In my heart i was praying and wondering, "Dear god, Am i late again?". I was just scared! I dont know why.
But thankfully, he was still there in the shop doing 'house cleaning'. I waited.

When his shop's lights have closed off, i was on the opposite side of his shop. I was standing there. I saw Him. But i dont know if he saw me. I was hoping he'd saw me.
& then we met. ((: Finally.

We talked a lil bit on the way. He smoked for awhile, we were separated. After he finished he came to me. Then we started talking... He said his friend will be coming and joining with us. I said I dont mind. So we waited.
I like those moments when we waited for his friend(s). You noe right? That moment when time feels as if it was standing still as if its just the two of us only, where time at that point in time is precious.

Our conversation talked about the text i msged him. As in it was 630pm i text him.
And he read it at 1030pm.
I asked him, "Do you think i would wait for you?"
(Because you know at a certain point in time i was debating should i shuld i not? .. WHATS with the hp low batt, tmr exam and meeting him issue).

He replied, "Hmmm 60 percent you'd come and meet me."
Me disbelieving me: What really? (3 times he answered the qn)
He: Yeaa.. 60% to 40%. (-.- haha).

What got me disbelieving was, the Time i text him and the Time meeting him. Because he didnt reply my msg.. So being me very difficult, sometimes i would change my mind.
But he believed that i will come and meet him. Wow.


His phone rang. He talked to his friend.
I heard a lil bit of their conversation.. something like..Tudung.. Girl.. (yg aku bilang) with me.... Its ok...
When he said that I was with him.. I was wondering how he will describe me to his friend. Honestly, it was hmmm... I was a bit... But nvm.

Then his friend came. And his friend brought his cousin along with too. I didnt know that. Z stood up and went to his friends, then i stood up and slowly walked a few distance behind him. In the end, another girl friend of his friend was being meet up.
All of us actually we didnt introduce ourself (Maybe at that point in time we/they felt whats the need?). But its ok.

I saw a different side of Z with his friends. Him laughing, joking and teasing. It was amusing. They talked and laughed. I smiled and laughed a bit too.
Somehow I felt lonely. Im sad to admit that.
They seemed close. I was wondering... These people, theyre different than that of the friends i usually hang out with. Really different. As in my social environment, ive never met or socialised with people like them. Because i felt awkward with them.

I was sitting beside the girl. Then all of them started smoking. I wasnt suffocated with the smoke as the wind blew it onto a different direction. I dont mind them smoking, as i know its a natural thing for them.. Its not that i hate smokers or what lah. Hmm.. I wasnt suffocated with the smoke as the wind blew it onto a different direction.

I looked at Z, looking at his friends smoked, he too smoked.
I was kinda dumbfounded. Our eyes met. & he didnt go towards me when he was smoking, I respect that, him.

They finished, and its time to go towards the Train station. We walked.
I walked towards Z on his left, the tall guy on his right. The other two behind us.
I felt glad that i was beside Z and he was talking to me, if not i felt yea.. that feeling -being ignored. Haha.

We tooked the train. Stopped at Raffles Place.
Z was scared that maybe my train would have gone away already, but it was not.

As we alighted at Raffles Place, All of them were going towards Joo Koon, and i was the only one going towards East.

It was surprisingly, that Z sent me up towards my platform. Because i dont mind if i went there alone.
He said to his friends to wait for him.

We reached towards my train platformed. He was standing there..
I dont wanna made him wait.. & it ok if wait for the train alone.

So I said, "Its oklah.. You can go now.. Dont need to wait for me."
He said ok, we were face to face. & I was waiting for him to walk off.
At that moment in time, i knew why he was standing there!
I turned my face to the left, and he kissed me on the right cheek. (: Aww.. Thank you.
And then he walked off.

After the kiss and after he went away... I had this huge amount of feelings built up.
I felt butterflies in my stomach, I was happy, even surprised!
But at the same time, my heart ache. Sadness rushed over me. For some reasons which i could not explain well.
WHY?

Maybe i really didnt expect that kiss.
I didnt know if he'd give me that kiss again.
I thought that those feelings i have for him, or his feelings for me would have gone for good!
But I was wrong.
I thought i could just let him go.
But i was wrong.
Maybe it was because... I was wondering about Leaving him.
So that was why my heart ache. How could i be cruel to even do that!? I DONT KNOW...

Feelings and expressions.
I wonder what about him? Does he too fell the same way as i do?

1:52 AM Thursday, February 3, 2011 back to top?

• So love, its been awhile. Thank you for coming back and loving me. I'd loved that.

I need to be sincere and kind.
In order to do that i need to strip away all the prejudices and expectations i have. Hmm.

-This is true
---------------

On the other hand, if its meant to be it will be.
Because i believe in God and Fate.
Im sure He knows whats best for me. To leave or to stay? (:

& that question, i still do not know.
All i know is that, i should just stay on and see how it goes. We'll see what happens next.

& I pray to God, that you’ll find what youre looking for in this stormy wondrous roads.

Things which will make you happy.
Things which will benefits you.
Things which will make you live and strive on.
Things which will make you love it.

Your happiness. Life's stability. Good health. A beautiful future.

Honestly, im pretty scared of what’s to come.
So i hope, i pray and i wishes.

Dear love, Thank you.
You mean alot to me. & I love you. ♥