12:15 AM Monday, October 26, 2009 back to top?

• ..... Because i wanna believe in miracles(:

Dearest ASYURA,

Gambatte-ne with tomorrow's English O Level 2009 exam!
Remember all the reasons why youre retaking this exam, those past sad memories and those obstacles as well as hardships youve gone through. Ok?

Looking back through this past months, its amazing how time passes by.

Remember the time where you were crying while walking towards the bus stop from school, just wondering where you went wrong and how screwed life was?
Where you dont even feel like wanting to go home at that point in time.
Added on, instead of going back home-which you find that there was no point in it-hence you went to someone else's house and somehow began to feel comfort.

There in that place, you talked and discussed about life pathways which were soon to be taken place whether you like it or not.
Further considering and support from a relative you eventually made up your decision hence you chose the course you are in right now. You were pretty much fine with the decision you made.

While those nights after that fateful day, you toss and turn as well as crying softly in your bed wondering about faith, God and whose fault was it.

As well as remember those times, where that particular person keeps on talking negatively about you.
Saying that God does not want you to pass because you disrespected and disobeyed them. Blaming everything on your behaviour as well as giving examples on those closed ones who had so called 'Failed in their life' or 'Being a failure' according to him.
Furthermore, saying that you have been influenced by them and criticising that everyone of his closed ones all (including me and 3 or 4 others) are a failure!
While listening to his 'preaching' which will last non-stop, sometimes you would talk back at him because in your opinion the things he said were not very true and were extremist as well as narrow-minded thinking-which you dislikes about him.
No matter how much you rebuked there were always something he would reply and most of the time what he replied does not make sense or it'll burst into another topic.
His words, apparently to you, shoots out full of negative words which brings you down and would began to make you feel sad once again.
Hence, he repeatedly reminded me of what he said even a few days or weeks after!
Things with GOD GOD GOD, that was the reason why you got uncertain and doubtful.

In your opinion dealing with that one person was the most excruciating mental distress on you.
Where your faith begans to drop, you doubted God and you doubted fate as well as destiny.

Consecutive nights kept you awake and still kept you wondering about life problems.
You started to think, is this the right choice? Going to this course? Whats gonna happen after this? Will i be able to like it?

You then began to ask yourself what do you want in life as well as saying to yourself to move on.
Your faith and about God started to increase unlike before when you were depressed as you took one step at a time.
This may probably be because of madrasah and others:
-having Ustaz Azhari's Tafsir lesson due to the way he spoke about the miracles of things
-dearest Ustazah Salbiah who taught me from sec 3-sec4 where her ways, action, nice character and personality makes me admire her most
-as well as previous encounters with people and experiences makes you gradually move on.

Furthermore, reading the Quran and its Tafsir where randomly flipping the pages for answers somehow guides you in life more or less.
Besides that, you finally knew what you want in life as well as things you wants to change about yourself. To be close to God and to be close to People.
Killing two birds(or even 3!) with one stone you finally think that Nursing was the right choice for you. (;

HAHA!

------
Thinking back, maybe failing it at that point in time was a blessing in disguise?
Makes me realize and experience new things.
Going to work so that i can pay the exam fee myself-without bothering/asking my parents. Cause i dont want them to say im using their money for something which ended up futile, SO no complaining! Hahs.

Maybe because of it, there will or might be a better opportunities for me out there? Who knows.
Cause they say, Semua pasti ada Hikmah nya! xD
Chey chey~ Lol.
HAHAHA.


Ps: Im kinda excited and scared to sleep! Waaahh~
Good luck Asyura! (: