1:33 AM Wednesday, September 29, 2010 back to top?

• So there is this guy, who I may be like?

Ok well.. He is on my mind most of the time. But the best thing is that, my heart really does squee or flutters whenever im around him. which makes me feel very happy and light hearted. So yeahh.. maybe ive fallen?

But somehow, im scared to fall down very deep.

Im scared that he’s just playing around with my feelings.
Eventhough he told me that he’ll wait for me or those he missed me and even the question of being in a relationship, it somehow leaves me kinda doubtful and messed up inside.

Ive prayed to God and asked, if he’s the best for me, so then let him be near me. But if he’s the worst for me, so then let him be far away from me.

Honestly im not sure myself, if its me or its him.
One thing for sure, he really does leave me hanging, thus making me wonder if ‘are we here or are we there?’ Hmm..
In my opinion, he could be a very sweet lovable boyfriend, if we were to be together. His personality and temperament wise, well Im not sure.. But he really is Considerate, which I’d love that about him too.
What else?

Maybe it’s the spontaneous and the conversation between us which makes me think and judge wisely and somewhat harshly? Haha.
At times our conversation are fun, sometimes mundane while another just plain boring like the answer-the-question reply.

One of the things which im looking out for in a relationship is spontaneous.
Our spontaneously talking with each other no matter what.-At least we’re talking and not silent(although there are somehow a few times we’re silent, but probably It may be because we’re both racking up our brain to find things to talk to-or those just awkward silence? hmm). So, things to talk to revolving about our life, our issue, our problems, our families, our friends, the skies the beautiful moments together!

As well as our spontaneously in being together or did something together. The things just happened!

Our closeness and proximity.
I wish to get to know him more and better. Isnt he the one that says that we’ll be good friends, then close friends and eventually more than friends; Girlfriend, future somebody? Hmm.
Knowing that we’ll always be by each other side, no matter the harsh or the good times. Knowing he’s there for me and im there for him. Knowing his and my circumstances. Knowing our strengths and weakness thus helping each other. I really would love to do that with him. I really do!

But why… why cant you wait, baby?
Im pretty sure we could have been more-well that is if youre not playing with me and that youre sincere in being with me.
Werent you the one that said that youre sincere in being my someone important, and also youre willing to wait for me. But now.. Where does all that go now?
IS IT ME? Am I playing the too hard to get girl? Or the circumstances of us now? Or the usual loves fades scenarios? Tell me which is which.

Why did you say that im lying/denies me of what I said when I say that if ‘its fate that we’re together then we’re together’. I know that my answer is very subjective and metaphor. But really, that is my answer now. I can, insyaAllah be with you. Can you wait please? I need time, dear love.
Please don’t the sudden goodbye. Please don’t leave me standing still once again. It breaks my heart.

Hush don’t rush. We’re not in a hurry.
Dear love, please don’t falter.